How Complaisant are You?

Not to be confused with complacent, being a total smug, self-approving jerk, the “complaisant mode” is more widespread and activated in us, than we realise. Don’t believe me? Think about these questions.

  • How often do you cut people slack, when you really shouldn’t?
  • How often do you let injustice slide, because it’s a minor inconvenience or doesn’t impact you at all?
  • How often do you conform to society, because you’re too ‘used to’ the way things have always been?

We are all over-accommodating, to several degrees beyond what we’d like to admit. As a matter of fact, this infamous human behaviour can be scene working at different levels.

I consider these our levels of acceptance, for all the wrong reasons.

Globally Complaisant

Global Warming, Ecology, Nature

Signs : Global Warming, Terrorism, Child Trafficking, etc.

How we cope with it : We are helpless. The UN should do something.

What our acceptance means : It’s happening around the world, and to everybody. We’re in this together, even if it’s our doom.

Nationally Complaisant

Euro, Bank Notes, Handshake, Transaction

Signs : Bribery, corruption, blame-games with no action, etc.

How we cope with it : We are powerless. The government is at fault – let’s wait for the elections.

What our acceptance means : Well, atleast it’s better than dictatorship, eh?

Group Complaisance

Signs : Minoritizing, Sexism, Racism, Groupism, Lesser Opportunities, Ostracising, etc.

How we cope with it : We are outnumbered. We don’t even belong here, it’s better to keep our head down.

What our acceptance means : No big deal – we just hang out together and numb the truth.

Read More : 5 Effective Tips to Deal with Toxic People

Personal Complaisance

One Against All, All Against One

Signs : Emotional blackmail, Ragging/Bullying, Peer Pressure, Addictions, etc.

How we cope with it : I deserve this. I don’t know how to live any other way. I would rather be a part of society than a loner.

What our acceptance means : I am okay living a sub-standard life.

We have been brushing things off, at every single level. It’s become second-nature for us to blame everyone else.

“What can I do?”, you may ask.
Start small. That’s always the answer.
We are so focused on perfecting our actions, the quantity, about the instant, tangible gratification that should come from our work, we stay in the procrastination mode.

Robbe, Lazing Around, Lazy, Rest

It is easy to get bogged down trying to find the optimal plan for change: the fastest way to lose weight, the best program to build muscle, the perfect idea for a side hustle. We are so focused on figuring out the best approach, that we never get to taking action.

James Clear, Atomic Habits

If you can’t make an impact on the country or even your city, start in the area (apartments/street) you reside.
If you can’t help anyone else, start in your own house.
Start in your room.
Start in your mind.

The best is the enemy of the good.


Just do something, even if it’s very small and it makes no difference to anyone except YOU.
Upgrade YOUR life.

There are too few people taking up the responsibility for all of us. If we all could do just something to bring change, there would be a lot less heavy-lifting, and the world would definitely, radically change overnight.


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Is Hell Real? A Practical Introduction to Karma.

Is God Evil? Is there Hell? What does Karma really mean? Why shouldn’t we ‘expect anything from anyone’? And other ideas to reflect on..

Whenever anyone does something wrong, the Indian proverb goes, “at least be scared of God”. Which implies that even if you’re not scared of the implications of your actions while living in the world you’re in right now, you need to be scared of some God sitting upstairs in Heaven, possibly writing your receipt to Hell.

What’s the flaw in that, you ask?

Many people who believe in the law of cause and effect find their peace in the consolation that “karma will bite back”. And thus, we end up monitoring the wrongdoer’s life for a long time after the wrongdoing happened, to see if they’re miserable and regretful yet.

We can’t stand to see someone happy if that’s not our final experience with them.

karma is a bitch, burn in hell,
Karma does come back to get everyone. But our idea of when is a little off.

Of course, you’ll question its existence if it isn’t making itself visible to you. Many people try to console themselves further, by believing that it’ll happen in the ‘afterlife’, that you’ll go to hell. That sounds off to me. Here’s why.

I like to look at Karma as finishing off what you started.

Which means, if you started an action on Earth, you need to be here to complete it. So in a way, your receipt to hell is just another round-trip to Earth with a more complicated life, harder lessons to learn.

Sounds less vicious, eh? So many times, we’re projected the image of a devil standing at the gate of doom, with blazing fire and screams. Not to break your agonizing bubble, but what would that even teach you? It’s nothing but a false, dramatic, and over-exaggerated notion of the true essence of Karma.

Mask, Hell, Devil, Evil, Satan, Bad Karma, Afterlife

As much as you’d like to believe that God is vengeful (because that’s how we see humans on Earth), God is the personification of Ultimate Justice in the Universe. In other words, God, Justice, and Karma are all synonymous.

Read More : 5 Strange Misconceptions About God We Need to Get Straight

And Karma isn’t about punishment. That’s just a fear-mongering way to look at it. It’s actually a very simple law – you do good, it comes back to you. You do bad – it also comes back to you.

The reasons that this law doesn’t always seem true are:

#1 – Karma isn’t always instantaneous.

Or at least doesn’t seem so to us. A change of heart sometimes takes ages. And until the person really gets the importance of their actions, they will keep repeating their behavior – which means more Karma for them! And in turn, a heavier learning curve in the manifestation. Whether you as the reader believe it or not – sometimes our Karma carries over to another lifetime when left undealt.

#2 – Karma doesn’t necessarily come through the same door it went out of.

For example, if you did good for someone, you can’t expect that they’ll be the one returning the favor. Which is perhaps why the saying goes “don’t expect anything from anyone”. It’s not to break your heart but to assure you the universe will always compensate for the good you deserve.

Just don’t expect to know how it comes to you! This is called the law of Divine Compensation, one of the 10 Divine Laws of the Universe.

Doors, Choices, Choose, Decision, Karma, Destiny, Fate

#3 – If somebody isn’t fighting for themselves, it’s their bad karma. But it’s yours, too.

The same goes for doing bad. Let’s say you’re mistreating somebody. It is their lesson to learn how to stand up for themselves, but it doesn’t mean you won’t pay back. It certainly doesn’t help you to keep feeding your own power by victimizing other people. Sure – they may never stand up to you, but you will have someone giving you a taste of your own medicine.

Given the simplicity with which the law works, visiting a haunted land of unceasing fire doesn’t make much sense. Our Heaven and Hell are all on this planet – it’s all in our mind’s experience.

It’s more practical to be here, reap what we sow, and finish what we started.

All that being said, why would you fear God? Isn’t it marvelous that something so fool-proof has been designed for us? That our spiritual learning is always under surveillance?

Taxes, Tax Evasion, Police, Handcuffs, Hell, Justice

Concluding Thoughts

Essentially, life is about understanding the consequences of our actions through the experiences we have. Some like to call them ‘lessons’. And, once you have learned the lesson, you don’t need to suffer endlessly. There is always GRACE. RESPITE.

I also like the possibility of heaven and hell just being in our heads. The possibility that we have all ten states of existence in our very selves. Something I talk more about in this post.

The Universe is kind, and there’s a special place in Heaven for those who are consciously clearing their Karma. It moves with you when you take action for your betterment, it works for you.

When your lessons are learned, you are supported in moving forward to a better reality. To your own Heaven on Earth.

Read Next : 7 Ways To Master Your Karma


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Is Hell Real? Read this!

The 3 Different Ways We May Be Seeking Validation From Other People

Its natural to be seeking validation, but why do we do that? And how can you change the patterns of needing approval? Here are some insights.

We all like to feel good about ourselves – about the things we have, the things we do, and so on. Unfortunately, sometimes we go to great lengths in seeking this validation from people around us.

Where does it all begin?

Come to think of it, we start seeking validation from a very young age. We want our parents’ approval, so we learn to do the different things that make them happy. As a consequence of seeking their love, we develop different attachment styles.

This need for approval stems from the inherent need to be accepted and loved in our community. I want to highlight the different behaviors that we are capable of doing from time to time, as a consequence.

3 Different Styles of Seeking Validation

You’ll notice all three of these styles of people around you. And don’t cringe if you feel like you too fall into a category you don’t like. We have all been ‘that person’.

Understanding the underlying fear behind our need to seek validation, and then tactfully dealing with it within ourselves and those around us, is the only way to true inner healing. Let’s explore the types!


In other words, bragging

Frog, Chick, Lady, Arrogant, Cocktail

We validate ourselves rather awkwardly, by boasting about ourselves in front of other people.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of becoming insignificant, being left out. It is the insecurity that other people won’t notice us, won’t acknowledge us, if we don’t remind them of our glory.

Seen most in : People that are ‘trying too hard’ to stand out.

Other adjectives : smug-face, self-absorbed, smirking.

Other behaviors developed from this: Left unattended, it starts to develop into ‘superiority complex’, and overconfidence. We begin to think too highly of ourselves because we’re always trying to validate ourselves in front of other people, and unfortunately undermine others.

Sometimes, we may even shoot down and invalidate other people’s success (or failure) by trying to compare with our own.


Recognized as attention seeking.

Hand, Human, Partnership, Teamwork, Cooperation, Seeking Validation from others

Usually seen when we feel inferior to the people around us. We directly or indirectly go to them to seek their affirmation that what we have, or what we did is “approved” in society. And we try to dim our own light, change our opinion, if we don’t receive the appreciation we think we deserve.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of not being good enough, not being unable to trust ourselves and our judgement.

Seen most in: People trying to ‘fit-in’ and conform to their environment.

Other adjectives: people-pleasing, yes-man, doormat, etc.

Other behaviors developed from this: It becomes worse when people start going overboard to get into someone’s good books. Running favors, going above and beyond to make someone like you, etc.


This is the right balance; reflecting a healthy form of confidence, and learning to coexist with our differences.

Inclusion, Group, Wheelchair

This kind of behaviour says “you can be yourself, and so can I” and sometimes when things don’t click in the circle, it is the attitude of “let’s just agree to disagree”.

This will only harness in our nature when we trust our own judgement, consider our feelings and opinion worthy – even if it doesn’t match with what society says. And at the same time aren’t fixated that there’s only one ‘right way’ for things to be.

Here’s a quick video going over the different self-love and self-validating things you can do in daily life.

When it comes to seeking rewards, this behavior is achieved by knowing that the Universe is always watching over you and will compensate for anything that another human being missed. The Universe doesn’t miss a thing!

To further explain Ultimate Gratification, I’d also like to share a quote from the Bible (I am not a preacher or Catholic, but I really resonate with this wonderful message) :

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honoured by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

Matthew 6:2 (NIV)

Concluding Thoughts

Each behaviour associates with our self-esteem and our ability to appreciate our differences. While you can’t always call it out in other people, or help them, an insight of the fears that run in their subconscious can help you become more compassionate towards them.

And when it comes to ourselves, a simple reflection on which category you fall into can help you look your fears in the eye, make better choices and thus become the best version of you!


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