Will Marriage Impact Your Spiritual Growth? Read this.

Should you get married if you are on the spiritual path? What is the role of marriage in our spiritual journey? Is it necessary to have a partner?

It is a widespread (thankfully, now corrected) notion that spirituality equals renouncing everything and becoming a monk. Should someone who’s trying to transcend the world still buy Nike shoes and go on expensive dinners? Is it okay for spiritual people to devote time to their marriage?

Truth is, spirituality isn’t about resisting your life, it’s about transcending it.

How? Let’s look at a simple example – eating chips or popcorn. Most of us grab a handful and stuff our faces with the crispy goodness, not even chewing properly. Now, if you were to look at a video of yourself eating popcorn at the movies, you might be taken aback and cringe.

Popcorn, Binge, Movie, Eat, Overeat

Conscious living is pretty much that – watching yourself like a movie, as often as you can. The behaviors you don’t like, when you see with your own eyes, will reduce and eventually stop or transform into something better.

The desires you have, the materialism you seek must also be transcended – at your own pace.

What about marriage – can we transcend our life with a partner by our side?

With the Mirror Technique, we can.

Self-awareness would not have been possible, and we would not be able to see our true nature, had it not been for others around us. We are able to reflect on our behavior, our mistakes, our grudges and resentments only because people give us that opportunity.

Yes, loving relations are the sign of a healthy and happy life, but they are not available to all of us, for the simple fact that we are yet to apply the mirror technique.

The mirror technique simply means, stop seeing the other person’s actions and instead start seeing your reactions. What arises within you whenever they act?

Anger?
Jealousy?
Insecurity?

In this way, you can use every interaction with another person as an opportunity to meet yourself with greater depth.
Hands, Love, Couple, Together, Fingers, Argue, Marriage, Relationship

And that’s when real healing begins.

How can you know your ability to forgive if someone doesn’t hurt you?

How can you overcome your jealousy if you didn’t even experience it, if you didn’t share that kind of intimacy in the first place?

Resistance is delaying, preventing yourself from experiencing the darkest side of your being. And just like music – the deeper you can sing on the scale, the higher you’ll be able to hit on the octave too – so is life. You cannot know your light, until you face your darkness.

And what better a way, than with a partner who you’ve committed to live with, till death do you part?

If you don’t believe me, Justin Timberlake has written an entire song about it to explain this! Check it out.

Twin Flames, Justin Timberlake, Mirror, Song
Image Source : iMDB

This person will push your buttons at every step of the way – right from conflicts over room temperatures and changing baby diapers at midnight, to who-said-what’s and then some…

As a matter of fact, they will really help you apply all kinds of spiritual techniques.

Thanks to all the ups and downs, you’ll remember God a lot more. I mean how often do you remember God when life’s smooth?

You’ll learn to surrender when your partner is stubborn.

You’ll learn the art of forgiveness and to let go of your resentment when your partner messes up.

You’ll learn to co-create and co-habitat, gracefully mastering detachment whilst remaining compassionate, thus overriding your ego.

And you’ll learn the truest form of unconditional love and devotion when you fall in love with your partner and children, each time in a greater capacity.

Sunset, Family, Game, Silhouette, Set, Marriage, Happy, Love

Another Spiritual Angle for Marriage

To understand this better, let me quote Sadhguru as he explains in his mystical book, Adiyogi.

There was a difference between her [Parvati] and the sages; she was in love with him [Shiva] and the sages were in love with what he had [mastery over Self]. Because of her level of perception and receptivity, Shiva took her directly to the peak of attainment [Enlightenment through love].

Whether we go hunting for Enlightenment in a cave, or in the solitude of a room at home, the end-goal is attainable. Because it isn’t the outside dynamics that matter; it all comes down to one thing – the inner thirst for this quest.

Of course, to each their own. But the kind of lives we’ve signed up for don’t exactly permit the kind of extremism anymore, which sages and monks once practiced.

We’ve got to find our peace here, and now.

Couple, Like, Cute, Happy, Follow, Bride, Marriage
Balancing marriage whilst on a spiritual pursuit is like a double ‘challenge accepted’.

It’s about balancing the hermit and the materialistic sides in you. And at the same time, it’s the best of both worlds. 🙂

Image Courtesy : pixabay.com, shutterstock.com

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Should you get married if you're on the spiritual path?

Why Is Detachment Extremely Difficult in Relationships?

What is detachment? If it is so important for spiritual growth, why is it so difficult? And are you detached or just indifferent? Read this!

You and I get to hear the idea of detachment a lot more now, as it becomes mainstream in the spiritual community. But let’s address why it’s so difficult to detach ourselves.

The opposite of detachment is attached – most of us are very attached to our loved ones. But is there something wrong with that? There isn’t, until there is.

Attachment makes us go to strange lengths.
If the other person is mad at us, we become flustered and try to fix this.
If the other person is no longer in our life, we pine and make our life miserable.

We mistake our attachment for love. But the truth is, love and respect are not attachment. Attachment is attachment, in a relationship.

But is it even possible to be detached and still love somebody? Yes.

I realized this in the strangest way, through a stranger.

I used to be the person who loved too much. But over the years, I noticed myself distancing and no longer seeking love outwards. This was a good thing, but a recent incident made me see another angle to it.

One Sunday morning, at around 5 AM, I heard a girl yelling and crying down the street, “don’t leave me Mike, please! Don’t leave me”.

sad woman, crying, angry, hurt, detachment, indifference

I was startled awake, and my first response was a grumpy “really?”

As the yelling continued, other thoughts flowed in.

Should I call the cops on her for creating a menace at 5 AM? What if she’s suicidal? And then…I hope the angels are protecting her.

As soon as I wished that for her, an image of the spiritual realm watching over her came in front of me. And for some reason, after crying for another minute or so, the girl left.

Prayer was not my first response, but it did teach me something new.

My “really?” moment might have boosted my ego, to think I’m so detached because I’m unaffected by this situation. But really, it was me closing my heart from a bigger fear that I shared with this stranger.

I didn’t want to be left either. And I couldn’t bear the thought, so I began to judge her for how she was handling this.

While she was down in the streets crying, I was in my ego, telling myself things like “I don’t need that person, why is she crying over someone who left her“.

She was vulnerable, perhaps too attached. But I wasn’t detached, I was simply acting indifferent.

Thus, detachment isn’t about not feeling pain. It is about being compassionate in the moment of pain, but not identifying with it.

I finally opened my heart, and allowed myself to experience the fear of being left. It was terrifying. But without resisting, I let the pain pass through.

But you may be at the opposite end of the spectrum. You might have a heart so open, you soak up the emotions that arise from attachment and become an emotional sponge! Let’s address that now.


Understanding Detachment Through The Attachment Lens

One day, in conversation with a friend, it felt as if a rush of answers came in the newest way, bringing clarity to the topic like never before for the both of us. I’m sharing the conversation as is, because the dialogue may make this more relatable.

The exchange about detachment went as follows.

But now going back [to favorite place] kind of changed things too.

Which made me question my decision to go back in the first place.
Like, should we just leave good memories pristine and untouched?

Because trying to live them again by going back only sort of tarnished it for me, as I saw everything having changed and worsened.

I think we go back because we want to relive the good times and we associate that place with good times.

So going is essential if you’re SO attached, so that you can release that attachment and keep it only as a memory.
All the while knowing happiness is an inside job. Not place-bound. 

For me, [my favorite place] brought that same realization. It was special while I was there, not after I left.

So I guess I relinquished that attachment once I returned from this trip. Which I felt is a bad thing as it’s not as special to me anymore.

Well, essentially, nothing IS special, nor should be. It’s just a means for us to experience ourselves.
Whether through a place or a relationship.

What remains special to you, is attachment.

And thus we need to experience it fully, without clouded vision to be able to detach.
Usually going back to a person, or place, helps see clearly.
Free from that Illusion.

I think I’m so unwilling to detach because having those intense feelings for something makes me feel more human? As if I’ve experienced something worthy?

Isn’t that why we all are not willing to detach? We want something to cling to while we’re here.

Detachment doesn’t invalidate your experience though.
We cling if we want to be here.
We let go if we understand we’re not meant to be here forever.

I read yesterday.. someone said..
“There’s a difference between being grateful and glad.”

So I guess the idea is to always remain grateful, even if you can’t always be glad about an experience.

It’s shifting your anchor from down here on Earth, to up there, into the universe.

I understand that.

But even people who don’t, why do you think they don’t give up attachments easily? As in, not even intentionally.

For the very reason that their anchor is on Earth.
They are too identified with their human nature to realize there’s nothing to cling on to.

The more you understand, the quicker you start to remember the truth. And start to practice it. 

Every time you see a situation that makes you cling, you are able to think from the bigger picture.

So the reason I didn’t want to let go [of favorite place], is that I made it part of my identity?

Yes.

You are limiting yourself, by saying it was the source of your happiness. Your source is inside you, that place only helped you realize it.

But instead, you started seeing that place as the Source itself, and ached to go back, instead of finding it in yourself again.

End.

Though the conversation was with regard to emotional attachment towards a place, this is true for people too.

Our inability to part ways or mellow-down in relationships, stems from the fact that we start seeing them as the Source of our happiness.

But speaking spiritually, our happiness comes from the Universe. And the more we cling, attach, lean on this Universe, our true Source, the easier detachment becomes.

Hope this gave you the AHA-moment it gave us. 🙂


Concluding Thoughts

Many traits are associated with detachment, and tips are given to achieve this way of being.

But the core essence of detachment can be understood as not depending on the other person for our source of joy; and in moments of suffering, seeing another’s pain with an open heart, without letting it get to us.

The more we understand the difference between detachment and indifference, the more we can retain our humanitarian aspect whilst walking towards our true self.

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Can Spirituality Actually be Faked?

This one’s always a hot topic – to believe or not to believe in the credibility of the spiritual folk?

When people that claim they are spiritual, are seen arguing, yelling or being outrageous (basically, behaving like an average human), they are deemed to have faked their awakening. After all, how can someone spiritual be so insensible?

Judge, jury, spirituality, no judging, judgmental, faked, lied, con, hide

But have we ever taken a moment to reflect that people don’t just become saints overnight?!

And even saints don’t necessarily have it all figured out

When you listen to a spiritual discourse, sometimes, you’ll find the answer to your latest problem and begin to put the speaker on a pedestal. Unfortunately, as soon as we hear something questionable about this person, or observe a subtle flaw (arrogance, pride or mockery are good examples) we become clouded by the authenticity of this person speaking.

Is this just a fakir faking it?

In that, we lose our focus from the true purpose. It doesn’t matter who faked it.

It shouldn’t matter who spoke to you, only that what was spoken could benefit you or not. We’re not here to judge other people’s progress. We’re here to grow conscious of our own.

Think of it in this way, our temptations are like tests of our consciousness.

A temptation to gossip. A temptation to binge. To pick a fight with someone. To create drama. And so on. And at some point in life, everyone is reintroduced to the temptations they are trying to curb, to see if they can pass the test this time around.

gossip, whisper, ear, talk, chatter, faked, spirituality

So if you’re not conscious, you won’t even know what’s happening, you’ll keep falling into the trap, and it’ll become a vicious cycle. If you’ve just started living consciously, you may resist for a while but give-in whenever a push comes to shove. But essentially, it is every spiritual practitioner’s endeavour to overcome this temptation.

So, you see – we’re all just on varying levels of consciousness, awareness.

And in that, spirituality, or the expansion of our consciousness is not something that can be faked. There will always be people whose temptations overshadow their wisdom, claiming they know better than they really do. But isn’t that true for every face of life – there’s always someone too smart. And I agree, it’s difficult to take such people seriously. But still, here me out.

share ideas, creative, life lessons, spirituality

Learn from EVERYONE. Only use your discernment to gauge the credibility of the message, not the messenger. Are you doing something because you’re placing blind faith in someone else, or because what they said made sense?

Don’t focus on the temptation, whether it’s yours or another’s – focus on the wisdom.

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