Why are some people impossible to tolerate? Looking into the karmic role of an annoying relationship in our life, both spiritually and psychologically.
Side Note : I have been meaning to write this one, for about two years now. Time I finally got to it.
If it’s someone at work, sure you can always deal with their less-than-healthy behaviour and manage this situation to an extent, as I’ve talked about in the recent post, How to Deal with Toxic People.
But sometimes those people can be our partner, or our parents. Then what do you do? And you can’t just go around avoiding everyone, you would have nobody left.
It’s easy to become defensive and say “I don’t need anybody”, but that’s just ego talk. So, to bring true inner change, here are a couple of perspectives I want to share.
#1 – The more someone pushes your buttons, the more tightly-knit your spiritual bond is.
Every single person in your life is there for a very specific reason, and even the irritating ones are NOT by chance.
The people you resist the most can also teach you the most about your own shortcomings. They bring many deeply-affecting lessons, like learning how to surrender and not always get your way, or opening up to the possibility that other ways are also right.
Who knows what you could heal, if you stopped resisting and started searching for the wisdom hidden in these karmic roles?
You see, even the most annoying people have soul contracts to treat you in a certain way. This is because they are the best candidate to stir you in this said way, based on their own spiritual evolution! It all works out beautifully to help you heal parts of you that are getting triggered right now when they so-called ‘push your buttons’.
#2 – You can escape the relationship, not the lesson.
You can abruptly end one relationship, but if you don’t deal with the lessons it brought, that behaviour will keep resurfacing for you.
There’s a reason why people now have even 2 or 3 divorces, as a bad example. There’s something within their story that they are unwilling to heal, because of which it keeps coming back with a new face.
However, if you still want to consider ending the relationship with someone, check this video out first, called Should I Break Up?
#3 – Many times, relations of different types will form similar patterns.
That means, you will have the same issues over and over again – the reason may be different on the surface but the core lesson will be the same. This means, you might have a boss that makes you work on weekends and a partner that seems to never get enough of your time. Both people can seem invasive in different ways, but maybe the karmic lesson is for you to learn how to respect your time and create healthier relationship boundaries.
If you don’t get that lesson, you might want to constantly jump from job to job or relationship to relationship.
Some other patterns that often show up in challenging soul contracts include the side effects of being a people-pleaser, or not being able to accept people without judging them. You might constantly find people around you who stun you with their weird behaviour – maybe all they need is for you to be more open-minded?
Or learning how to not give unsolicited advice. You might find your child refusing to listen to you, because you might be required to let go of the dogmas and opinions that limit you and other people around you.
#4 – In an annoying relationship, YOU may have a karmic debt to this person.
It can seem that some souls have a tougher time living the human experience than others. They may be physically unwell all the time, or have a lot of emotional and mental disturbance. And so, they need help to get by.
Sometimes, we sign up for caretaker roles in others’ lives.
Our contribution is larger than what we are getting in return, it seems. But what does this teach us? This karmic role helps us understand the importance of giving back, without always being able to receive anything in return. This is a great and tough way to experience the law of Divine Compensation.
#5 – At a soul-level, nobody is really a bad person.
As difficult as that is to believe when a relationship is so annoying, it gets on your nerves. But, just think of it. We are the sum of everything that has ever happened to us. Nobody is the way they are without a reason.
We learn from our parents, society, personal traumas etc. When hitting your head against the wall about why someone treated you in a certain way, think from THEIR perspective. If we can stop taking things personally, we will be able to react a lot less.
Of course, you may question the heinous acts of crime and how can anyone hold compassion for such people? The truth is, several studies at this point indicate that in the eyes of the wrongdoer, such a heinous act was actually of service to the betterment. The way their minds function (or dysfunction) prevents them from seeing the grossness of what has happened.
Even the most intense courts and jurisdictions like death-row offer a “meal of choice” to the prisoners before their death sentence. Why is this compassion necessary?
Because true spirituality runs with the belief that even the worst of crimes don’t define a person. Every person is capable of dropping a behaviour because they are better than that. Having compassion is a way to have hope and prayer for them that they understand, that they are better than that.
As spiritual seekers ourselves, we have to stop feeling threatened by people and cultivate the space that lets us treat others with compassion even in ugly situations. Which brings me to my next point.
#6 – Someone’s behaviour isn’t about you, it’s about them.
What you are feeling as a consequence of their behaviour, is about you. This is the mirror exercise. I learned this when I was working on my Twin Flame Healing, but it applies to life in general.
For example, whenever you’re on social media, you might find certain people to be superfluous and this might bother you beyond necessary. Every time you look at their photos or activities, you get all charged up with emotion.
In this situation, it helps to understand why you’re triggered. Was this situation even about you? Or was it something you judge in yourself, that you’re judging the other person for?
In the same capacity, understand that everything people do is about them, and we really don’t need to take things personally. The more you’re able to do that, the easier it becomes for you to be around even the most odd souls, because you finally get the karmic role they’re playing for you.
So start using the emotions that arise in you to heal your deeper-rooted wounds. Instead of focusing on the question why are they doing this to you, determine why it’s affecting you.
#7 – People’s inability to love you back doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
It doesn’t mean you deserve this perpetually.
It also doesn’t mean you love ‘too much’.
A relationship where you feel like you’re losing out, is simply an invitation for you to go within and ask yourself why you’re seeking love from that place? Why is your love dependent on external validation?
What would your life look like if you could give yourself that love now without waiting for that “loveless person” to love you back?
We actually wait for love because so many of us think we aren’t worthy of it. When we can use the rejection from certain people as a redirection to loving ourselves more, it becomes easier to heal.
Otherwise, we keep holding on to and hoping so much from people that can’t love us back. We choose them over and over again, hoping for a different outcome. Why not give ourselves that permission to experience love NOW, from within, to ourselves?
Concluding Thoughts
All this being said, the conclusion is quite evident. An annoying relationship can have a huge karmic role to play in our life.
Everything happens for you to evolve. You can either be fussy and bitter about it, or you can become accountable and rapidly change everything for the better by understanding and applying the ideas mentioned above.
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