IDENTITY CRISIS : Where Is Your Anchor?

My stick men are back, and they’re here to help you out of your Identity Crisis.

Let me begin by talking about this – what is an identity crisis?

A term coined by Erik Ericson, it’s what people used to call a mid-life crisis a couple of years ago. But now, it has increasingly been happening with younger adults, between their 20’s and early 30’s.

So many people are going to great lengths to ‘be different’, hoping that being by different so audaciously, they may find their true Self.

Many atimes, it stems from the realisation that maybe, life isn’t about this job, or revolving around certain people. It perhaps isn’t about working hard and partying hard. It isn’t what I am doing – but then, what SHOULD I be doing?

The need to understand who we are, and what we’re here to do, can spiral us downwards and lead us into the Dark Night of the Soul, a phenomenon I talked about when I first started this blog.

And if you ask this question to any sane saint, he’ll tell you one thing – DETACH yourself.

How can you let go of your job, your family, money etc? How can you let go of the very things that define you?

It seems insane at first. In a channelled message a few months ago, I talked about why we find it difficult to detach ourselves. However, today I want to talk about how to detach ourselves, using this technique I’ve been trying on myself too.

I’m not a monk or anything ofcourse, but an analogy came to me when I began to reflect on Detachment in meditation. So now, whenever I am flustered by these identity related thoughts, I visualise the Anchor. And it helps! Let’s look at it with my cute stick men. 🙂

Where Have You Placed Your Anchor?

#1 – IS IT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

If it is on another person, you will be disappointed eventually when the nature of the relationship will change.

friendship, identity crisis
#2 – IS IT ON A FUTURE MILESTONE?

If it is on a goal, you will feel an identity crisis as soon as you have achieved that goal. “Now what?”, you’ll wonder until you hop onto the next one to comfort this growing inner turmoil.

job, workaholic, manager, promotion
#3 – IS IT ON SOME ‘THING’?

If it is on a materialistic pleasure, it will soon seize to please you.

car, materialism,
#4 – BRING IT BACK TO YOU!

If it is within yourself, it will never fail you. Because as long as YOU are here, you are anchored within your being, no matter what the changes around you, you will be unshakeable.

i am, who am i, identity crisis

After all, as the saying goes, that which can be taken away from me, isn’t mine. When we strip down from all these shackles and personalities, what is left, is actually a paradox.

We are no longer ‘limited’ to these things, therefore we are everything! One step closer to finding the Universe within ourselves, eh?

What next?

I know my little stick men aren’t the most beautiful to visualise, but hey! Perhaps when you do close your eyes and envision your anchor, they will come to you in their imperfect, silly way and bring you both clarity and smiles. 🙂

When you visualised and brought the anchor back to yourself, everything will be at ease once again. Your identity crisis will seize.

P.S. If you enjoyed these stick figures, don’t forget to check my other silly attempt called Do You Love ‘Too Much’?

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Seeking Validation in 3 Ways

Seeking validation, bragging, attention-seeking and many other behaviours all reflect our inherent fears. Find out which type of validation seeker you are, and heal yourself!

We all like to feel good about ourselves – about the things we have, the things we do, and so-on. Unfortunately, sometimes we go to great lengths to find this feeling of gratification.

You’ll notice all three kinds of people around you. And don’t cringe if you feel like you too fall into a category you don’t like. We have all been ‘that person’.

Understanding the underlying fear which causes our need to seek validation, and then tactfully dealing with it within ourselves and those around us, is the only way to true inner healing.

#1 – THE SELF-GLORIFYING

In other words, bragging

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is closeup-portrait-arrogant-aggressive-bold-260nw-242082148.jpg

We validate ourselves rather awkwardly, by boasting ourselves in front of other people.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of becoming insignificant, being left-out. It is the insecurity that other people won’t notice us, won’t acknowledge us, if we don’t remind them of our glory.

Seen most in : People that are ‘trying too hard’ to stand out.

Other adjectives : smug-face, self-absorbed, smirking.

Other behaviours developed from this: Left unattended, it starts to develop into ‘superiority complex’, and over-confidence. We begin to think too high of ourselves because we’re always trying to validate ourselves infront of other people, and unfortunately undermine others.

Sometimes, we may even shoot down and invalidate other people’s success (or failure) by trying to compare with our own.

#2 – HIS/HER VALIDATION.

Recognised as attention seeking.

Hand, Human, Partnership, Teamwork, Cooperation

Usually seen when we feel inferior to the people around us. We directly or indirectly go to them to seek their affirmation that we have, or what we did is “approved” in society. And we try to dim our own light, change our opinion, if we don’t receive the appreciation we think we deserve.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of not being good enough, being unable to trust ourselves and our judgement.

Seen most in: People trying to ‘fit-in’ and conform to their environment.

Other adjectives: people-pleasing, yes-man, doormat, etc.

Other behaviours developed from this: It becomes worse when people start going overboard by trying to get on someone’s good books. Running favours, going above and beyond to make someone like you, etc.

#3 – ULTIMATE VALIDATION 

This is the right balance; reflecting a healthy form of confidence, and learning to co-exist with our differences.

Inclusion, Group, Wheelchair

This kind of behaviour says “you can be yourself, and so can I” and sometimes when things don’t click in the circle, it is the attitude of “let’s just agree to disagree”.

This will only harness in our nature, when we trust our own judgement, consider our feelings and opinion worthy (even if it doesn’t match with what society says), and at the same time aren’t fixated that there’s only one ‘right way’ for things to be.

When it comes to seeking rewards, this behaviour is achieved by knowing that the Universe is always watching over you and will compensate for anything that another human being missed. The Universe doesn’t miss a thing!

Universe, Person, Silhouette, Star, Joy

To further explain Ultimate Gratification, I’d also like to share a quote from the Bible (I am not a preacher or Catholic, but I really resonate with this wonderful message) :

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honoured by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

Matthew 6:2 (NIV)

Each behaviour associates with our self-esteem and our ability to appreciate our differences. While you can’t always call it out in other people, or help them, an insight of the fears that run in their subconscious can help you become more compassionate towards them.

And when it comes to ourselves, a simple reflection on which category you fall into can help you look your fears in the eye, make better choices and thus become the best version of you!

Don’t forget to share this with anyone you feel can benefit from it. 🙂

-*-*-*-

Once a month, I send a Self-Love and Spiritual newsletter containing highlights of my work and lots of free downloadable self-help material. Sign up to get exclusive content such as e-books, guided meditations and numerous other resources!

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