The 3 Types of Gratification Seekers – Which One Are You?

We all like to feel good about ourselves – about the things we have, the things we do, and so-on. Unfortunately, sometimes we go to great lengths to find this feeling of gratification.

You’ll notice all three kinds of people around you. And don’t cringe if you feel like you too fall into a category you don’t like. We have all been ‘that person’.

Understanding the underlying fear, and then tactfully dealing with it within ourselves and those around us, is the only way to true inner healing.

#1 – THE SELF-GRATIFYING

In other words, bragging

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We gratify ourselves, by boasting ourselves in front of other people.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of becoming insignificant, being left-out. It is the insecurity that other people won’t notice us, won’t acknowledge us, if we don’t remind them of our glory.

Seen most in : People that are ‘trying too hard’ to stand out.

Other adjectives : smug-face, self-absorbed, smirking.

Other behaviours developed from this: Left unattended, it starts to develop into ‘superiority complex’, and over-confidence. We begin to think too high of ourselves because we’re always trying to validate ourselves infront of other people, and unfortunately undermine others.

Sometimes, we may even shoot down and invalidate other people’s success (or failure) by trying to compare with our own.

#2 – HIS/HER GRATIFICATION

Recognised as seeking validation.

Hand, Human, Partnership, Teamwork, Cooperation

Usually seen when we feel inferior to the people around us. We directly or indirectly go to them to seek their affirmation that we have, or what we did is “approved” in society. And we try to dim our own light, change our opinion, if we don’t receive the appreciation we think we deserve.

What is the need to do this? The underlying fear is – the fear of not being good enough, being unable to trust ourselves and our judgement.

Seen most in: People trying to ‘fit-in’ and conform to their environment.

Other adjectives: people-pleasing, yes-man, doormat, etc.

Other behaviours developed from this: It becomes worse when people start going overboard by trying to get on someone’s good books. Running favours, going above and beyond to make someone like you, etc.

#3 – ULTIMATE GRATIFICATION 

This is the right balance; reflecting a healthy form of confidence, and learning to co-exist with our differences.

Inclusion, Group, Wheelchair

This kind of behaviour says “you can be yourself, and so can I” and sometimes when things don’t click in the circle, it is the attitude of “let’s just agree to disagree”.

This will only harness in our nature, when we trust our own judgement, consider our feelings and opinion worthy (even if it doesn’t match with what society says), and at the same time aren’t fixated that there’s only one ‘right way’ for things to be.

When it comes to seeking rewards, this behaviour is achieved by knowing that the Universe is always watching over you and will compensate for anything that another human being missed. The Universe doesn’t miss a thing!

Universe, Person, Silhouette, Star, Joy

To further explain Ultimate Gratification, I’d also like to share a quote from the Bible (I am not a preacher or Catholic, but I really resonate with this wonderful message) :

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honoured by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

Matthew 6:2 (NIV)

Each behaviour associates with our self-esteem and our ability to appreciate our differences. While you can’t always call it out in other people, or help them, an insight of the fears that run in their subconscious can help you become more compassionate towards them.

And when it comes to ourselves, a simple reflection on which category you fall into can help you look your fears in the eye, make better choices and thus become the best version of you!

Don’t forget to share this with anyone you feel can benefit from it. 🙂

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Can Spirituality be Faked?

This one’s always a hot topic – to believe or not to believe in the credibility of the spiritual folk?

When people that claim they are spiritual, are seen arguing, yelling or being outrageous (basically, behaving like an average human), they are deemed fake. After all, how can someone spiritual be so insensible?

But have we ever taken a moment to reflect that people don’t just become saints overnight?!

And even saints don’t necessarily have it all figured out.

When you listen to a spiritual discourse, sometimes, you’ll find the answer to your latest problem and begin to put the speaker on a pedestal. Unfortunately, as soon as we hear something questionable about this person, or observe a subtle flaw (arrogance, pride or mockery are good examples) we become clouded by the authenticity of this person speaking.

Is this just a fakir faking it?

In that, we lose our focus from the true purpose.

It shouldn’t matter who spoke to you, only that what was spoken could benefit you or not. We’re not here to judge other people’s progress. We’re here to grow conscious of our own.

Think of it in this way, our temptations are like tests of our consciousness.

A temptation to gossip. A temptation to binge. To pick a fight with someone. To create drama. And so on. And at some point in life, everyone is reintroduced to the temptations they are trying to curb, to see if they can pass the test this time around.

So if you’re not conscious, you won’t even know what’s happening, you’ll keep falling into the trap, and it’ll become a vicious cycle. If you’ve just started living consciously, you may resist for a while but give-in whenever a push comes to shove. But essentially, it is every spiritual practitioner’s endeavour to overcome this temptation.

So, you see – we’re all just on varying levels of consciousness, awareness.

And in that, spirituality, or the expansion of our consciousness is not something that can be faked. There will always be people whose temptations overshadow their wisdom, claiming they know better than they really do. But isn’t that true for every face of life – there’s always someone too smart. And I agree, it’s difficult to take such people seriously. But still, here me out.

Learn from EVERYONE. Only use your discernment to gauge the credibility of the message, not the messenger. Are you doing something because you’re placing blind faith in someone else, or because what they said made sense?

Don’t focus on the temptation, whether it’s yours or another’s – focus on the wisdom.

Picture Courtesy : pixabay.com