Destiny Versus Free Will – My Perspective

If you’ve been following my articles for a while, you may have come across my story of how I left my corporate job to pursue my passion as a spiritual writer and life coach. What I’ve rarely expressed is the struggle and the resistance life was throwing my way before I could pursue this path full-time. This event (and many others that happened to me after that) is a classic example of the difference between destiny and free will. And today, I’m here to share my first-hand experiences in hopes of inspiring you to understand your spiritual journey better.

The Dark Night of the Soul (AGAIN)

I talk about how the very first stage of spiritual awakening is called the dark night of the soul. It’s where you’re beginning to question everything about yourself, about your life, and perhaps about death.

I was shaken awake back in 2017. And as someone who started experiencing tens of synchronicities every day, from 11:11 on the clock and on number plates, to often seeing the same name multiple times before meeting that person, it was strange to me that suddenly, in August 2018, the signs almost completely stopped.

It was an instant disconnect from the Universe.

That initial feeling of being in the flow with life’s grand plan was gone. Overnight!

The very anxieties and frustrations of human life that I had thought I’d overcome through my awakening were back. For months, I felt confused about why the Universe had shut its doors to me. And like a ghost, I felt lost and lurking my way from one day to the next. Unfortunately, I became so shaken by this veil being put back on me that at times I would stare at the clock just to see it hit 11:11.

This whole experience led me to believe I was experiencing the dark night of the soul again.

As if once wasn’t enough.

Spiritual Disconnect & How it Relates to our Destiny

What was going on?

At the time, there were two things in my pipeline: the desire to get married and the desire to quit my highly misaligned, draining corporate job.

Coming from a traditional Indian family, I hadn’t bothered looking for someone for myself (read, love marriage) – I was open to destiny unfolding for my highest good and to the idea of an arranged marriage. So the search began, and my parents spent months going through lists of prospects.

One particular guy was of keen interest to my parents because we knew his family, and we had distant relatives on both sides to vouch for each other. However, I wasn’t willing to meet him because he lived in Canada, and I wasn’t ready to move across countries to be with someone.

I held my ground for 3 months, certain that I could outsmart my fate. In the meantime, I continued brainstorming different avenues I could explore that would help me get out of my job. It was that deep turmoil that led me to create the popular tool, Purpose Matrix.

But things started to spiral down for me, and everything in my life started becoming very difficult. If I were to apply for jobs, I would never hear back. Every time I tried to act in a different direction by trying a certification or new training (hypnotherapy), something would happen to disrupt my enrolment. It began to feel like life was shutting down all my efforts. I was losing the fight against my own destiny, and I had no idea why everything I did with my free will wasn’t working.

I know, I know, three months doesn’t sound like a lot. But for someone who had become used to seamless momentum and riding the spiritual waves with a high of “I can create whatever I want because I’m in alignment”, this was a huge blow to my ego. And three months felt like three years.

It took a while to see – I was meant to meet this guy. I didn’t know at the time what the meeting would lead us to. But lo and behold, one thing led to the next. And today, I’m sitting in front of the computer he gifted to me on my most recent birthday, to write this article for you. 😉

We got married shortly after I stopped denying my destiny. And yes, I did move across the world to be with him. The funny thing is, the week I said yes to marrying him was also the week I heard back from 3 places for an interview (that I no longer needed)!

Wait, so is there no such thing as free will?!

If the situation leading up to my marriage was a one-off, I would have concluded that my soul contract with my husband had more weight than my egotistical ideas about where I want to live as a wife.

But a similar situation happened with me again, in January 2022, that had nothing to do with soul contracts. It had to do with my career.

Back then, even though I was doing really well as a writer and coach, I began experiencing an emptiness and hollowness. Yet again, another disorienting dark night of the soul. When do these stop?!

At that point, I used to believe that I was living my “life purpose”. So, not feeling happy despite all the impact I’d created and the fulfillment it brought me, I felt deeply disturbed.

Here’s a snippet of me detailing that experience:

As I dealt with this inner turmoil, my coaching practice also started slowing down. Clients stopped renewing, and potential leads either ghosted our sessions or had the weirdest reasons to not join. There came a point where I went from full-time coach to not coaching at all. A part of me believed that my career as a coach was over.

I kept asking for signs, hoping the Universe would show me what was missing. How could this very aligned path be wrong for me?!

It was a strange unfolding over the next 6 months: from being guided to start interpreting my dreams again while studying Charlie Morley’s phenomenal course, to seeing a dream where I was meant to share my story of suffering and misunderstanding my purpose… it all finally clicked.

I was missing the higher perspective.

As humans, we forget that we’re souls moving through Earth having a human experience, and not just humans trying to have a spiritual experience.

This forgetfulness is what I describe as Soul Amnesia. Because we become so identified with our problems, we begin to feel “incomplete”. And so, our destiny is actually a lifelong series of events that help our soul experience completeness and wholeness within itself. How? By realizing:

• While other people, places, and careers can help us feel great (joy, love, excitement), the feeling itself is coming from within us. WE are the source of our joy, not those people, places, or career choices.

• Because we don’t believe that we are the source, destiny helps us see that, one, it’s possible for us to experience higher levels of joy (by introducing us to wonderful people, places, and careers). And two, even if that experience is taken away from us, we can still feel deep joy again. Best proof? If imagining something can make you feel happy, then clearly, YOU are the source of happiness because what you imagined isn’t real right now. You are simply projecting your happiness onto that thing.

• When something is taken away from us, we may not immediately realize we are the source. We may feel dejected, hopeless, and depressed. But if the “pattern” of heartbreak continues to repeat (and it does, lifetime after lifetime), we eventually catch on. We question what’s happening – why are we “attracting” pain? And ultimately, we begin to see that pain is a natural byproduct when we project our happiness onto things that are bound to change. If we can find that source of joy within ourselves, then nothing on the outside would shake us. And then, destiny’s job would be done, so essentially, we would become masters of our destiny.

In my case, I had become so attached to my writing and coaching that losing those things felt like identity death. And so, of course, the Universe had to shake me awake again. I’m here to serve, but my service doesn’t define Me (Soul). What changed then was that I stopped attracting clients that needed me, because I began working on healing that wound within myself. I started holding the intention that I would not work with anyone for longer than they truly needed my services. And so away went those long packages and commitments, in came the accessibility, laser-focused momentum and clients that saw results faster, moved on faster, passed referrals and so on.

That may sound wonderful, but how do we apply this knowledge to other areas of life?

Using Free Will to Master Your Destiny

We need to understand the 3 factors that affect our destiny, to get a sense of what we’re up against:

• Heaven Luck (the experiences we’ve agreed to have as a result of our past life karma)
• Earth Luck (our environmental factors like culture, society, war, the plague, etc.)
• Human Luck (our free will & the inner work we do to create change in our lives)

Understanding these 3 factors can help us realize two things: one, that of course, we are not solely responsible for everything that happens to us. Which, by the way, is a toxic “manifestation” idea.

And two: Even if, at first, it felt like we’ve tried everything and are still feeling stuck, there might be more unconventional ways to bring the odds back in our favour. This is going to be another rabbit hole for you, which is why I’ve written part 2.

If you’re ready, let’s roll up our sleeves and get into the deeper waters now: read this next. Or take a moment to pause and reflect on everything you’ve learned so far.

Concluding Thoughts

The idea that destiny is a bad guy can prevent us from appreciating its true purpose in our lives. And once we understand the role destiny plays, as well as the roadmap for freedom (free will), we set ourselves up for true healing and lasting joy. I hope this article inspires you to look at the Universe’s mystical musings differently. And that part 2 gives you practical ways to move forward.

Do share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

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