Window of Tolerance – Why Healing Too Fast or Too Much Can Go Sideways

Psychology pairs beautifully with our spiritual journey. I’ve seen the two go hand in hand in so many ways! And one of those ways is by understanding the concept of window of tolerance – how healing too much, or too fast can actually create more problems for us in our spiritual development.

Let’s dive in and see what that means.

What is the window of tolerance?

Every person has a “window of tolerance”, a term coined by renowned psychiatry professor, Dr. Daniel Siegel.

The term is used to help us become aware of our capacity (literally, tolerance level) within which we can deal with our emotions and life’s stressors with some level-headedness.

This “window” is also called the state of calm, meaning we experience an emotional charge by something but we remain regulated internally as we deal with it.

However, if we become overstimulated and our nervous system goes out of whack, we exit our window of tolerance and experience hyper-arousal. This could look like:

• Fight or flight mode activates;
• Feeling anxious or panicking;
• Becoming overwhelmed;
• Experiencing an overload of emotions or energy that we can’t release;

On the opposite end of the spectrum, our nervous system might shut down and put us into a “freeze” state. This could look like:

• Fazing out or becoming numb;
• The mind goes blank (not in a good way);
• Experiencing an eerie sense of calm that makes us feel indifferent;
• Distracting ourselves or living in our imagination for long periods;

Either ends of the window of tolerance are our nervous system’s way of telling us that something feels unsafe and our body is working to protect ourselves from this threat.

This is great if we are actually in danger – and at that time, the body doesn’t wait for the mind to figure out how to protect it. It simply responds.

Where this can be a challenge is when we “perceive” threat (usually as a result of unresolved past traumas). Then the body is in survival mode when it may not actually need to be!

If we can gain enough awareness as we experience fight/flight/freeze, we can work to regulate ourselves again. This is what a majority of the spiritual tools are about: being the observer of our thoughts and emotions so that we don’t go on autopilot and act all of them out.

But how does all of this relate to our healing?

Why You Should Know About Your Window of Tolerance In Your Spiritual Journey

In the initial stages of a spiritual awakening, most people experience intense emotions and fluctuate way outside their comfort zone. You can have phases where you are hyperactive and ‘super spiritual’, then you experience burnout and want to just sleep for 12 hours straight!

And so many times, people mistake disassociation with detachment in their spiritual journey. Truth is, this perceived detachment from the world isn’t a spiritual achievement, rather a coping mechanism that we’ve designed for self-preservation.

It’s important to understand that our nervous system takes time to regulate itself. So as much as we want to heal rapidly, we have to cut our bodies some slack. It’s important to not push yourself to the point of exhaustion, in the name of healing.

There have been times when people have pushed way beyond their capacity and re-triggered trauma they were not ready to heal yet. This is especially true in the case of past life regression or somatic work, where if done without proper care can leave you feeling worse than you started.

Of course, none of this is to scare you. Rather to make you aware of your body’s boundaries so that you can prevent avoidable challenges in this healing journey.

Here’s the good news.

As you keep healing, steadily, overtime, your window of tolerance will naturally expand and you will be able to hold space for even deeper inner work.

The key is to tread steadily. Gently.

Like one of my lovely mentors, Alyssa Nobriga says, treat your healing journey like a kettle through which you release some steam. Blowing it off a little at a time and then placing the lid back on to allow room for integration (this is called titration, FYI).

What To Do When You Cross Your Window Of Tolerance

Our body is self-correcting, which means that even if we do nothing to actively calm it down, we will gradually come back into a calmer state. However, why self-inflict harm by pushing yourself beyond the level of tolerance, when you can be better informed and not drive yourself to the point of overwhelm or underwhelm?

I firmly believe that this trauma-informed approach should be a mandate for every practitioner – whether spiritual or psychological.

It’s important to give your body and nervous system a chance to truly digest the healing, by slowing things down and creating opportunities for rest.

Otherwise, it is very easy to get sucked into a whirlpool of emotions and spiral down until the point of a meltdown.

If you’re in a hyperarousal state, pick activities that help you release the built-up energy. These are typically things that require movement of your physical body, like dancing or going for a run.

And if you find yourself zoned out, try to interact more with the physical world through your five senses. This will help you re-stimulate your state of ‘freeze’.

Some of the simplest grounding techniques that can help you move back into your window of tolerance include:

• Drink tons of water and hydrate your system;
• Eat something healthy and calm your root chakra by letting your body know you’re safe;
• Listen to calming music;
• Using aromatherapy to help your sense of smell calm your nerves;
• Look around your room and identify things you can see and touch;
• Wrapping your arms around yourself or getting under a weighted blanket to self-soothe;
• Go for a walk in nature and away from any noises. You can try this free guided walking meditation to help you tune back into the present;

In general, if you find yourself getting worked up more often than not when addressing your wounds and traumas, suspend your attempts to heal whatever it is that you’re working on. Sometimes, we do ourselves more harm when we scratch at old wounds, versus letting them sit and heal. In such cases, it is strongly advisable to work with a trauma-informed therapist or coach to help your nervous system feel safe as it processes the pain.

If you’re looking for more advanced tools and techniques, you can learn these 8 unique ones through my recent masterclass for mental fitness.

Concluding Thoughts

I find it deeply fascinating to look at our minds and behaviors through different studies. At the end of the day, whatever we learn about ourselves helps us grow into being more of ourselves and less of what we’re not.

Consider this article as an invitation to learn more about how well you cope with reality, and what to do when your body says “stop”. Happy gentle-paced healing, dear one!

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