I’ve been a writer most of my adult life. But the difference is that at first, I used to write long paragraphs over text to tell people how I feel. Overtime, as I grew up, my writing made its way into this arena, into the spiritual space. The story that goes for today is that whenever I would see a dip in my readership, I wonder if the Universe teaching me some subtle, hidden lesson?
I mean if this is my higher calling, shouldn’t my trajectory be ever upwards? Shouldn’t I get infinite success and be able to make a huge impact?
I am cringing as I admit these thoughts, but I still choose to write them here because I know I’m not the only one to think this way.
You may think it for other areas of life. Like if the money stops flowing in, you might get worried that the heavens have closed their gates to you because you judged someone else for buying a Gucci bag.
Or when you keep having strange dates, you might worry that you’re being punished for what you said to that girl back in grade 5 about her looks.
Its as if we start to fear our karma, and over-read into everything happening with us! And it took years to have a breakthrough about what was really going on.
So today, I want to share my bite-sized story with you, hoping it serves to resolve some of your questioning and doubts.
So, here’s the long and short context of this story.
Every time something unsettling happens at the backend of My Spiritual Shenanigans, I realize that I am actively scrambling to make some kind of change to “fix” the problem.
At my human core, I associate this to my type 8 enneagram personality that wants to “be in control”.
And a brutally honest moment. I have a lot of trust-issues with the Universe. But upon deeper thinking, I can see that most of it stems from my own misinterpretations about how I thought life would be.
One of the misconceptions has been that if I do everything the Universe wants me to, I’ll get what I want in return (the law of attraction gone wayyyy wrong). I’ll somehow be the Universe’s favourite seeker, and nothing will ever hurt me again.
And isn’t that the mistake that we all make, when we believe that we shouldn’t be upset anymore, now that we’re on the spiritual path?
But I love what spiritual teacher, Pema Chodron says to this in her book, When Things Fall Apart, “theism is a deep-seated conviction that there’s some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there’s always going to be a babysitter available when we need one”.
Our inability to trust the process is deep rooted.
For me, it runs as far back as 10th grade French and getting a really bad grade, even though I studied really hard. It messed up my overall performance and I felt like God wasn’t my friend. I felt cheated on! How innocent, right?
But at the same time, this anger distanced me from the Universe.
This has been a cycle all my life, as a matter of fact. I would misinterpret the meaning of angel numbers and repeatedly get frustrated when things wouldn’t align. It took forever to realize, that really, the Universe isn’t my enemy. And that I can do everything right in my capacity and that things can still not go my way.
This was an invitation to let go of control. To understand the meaning of surrender, once again.
As a workaholic, I realized then, that the Universe always puts a pause to my progress for so many reasons. And none of them have anything to do with the idea that I can do something wrong to upset the Universe. There is no subliminal message I need to decode, and there’s no hidden lesson that the Universe is trying to teach me through the “lows”.
Want to know what the truth is? Here’s what I’ve realized.
First of all, when things stagnate for us, it is a reminder to not be SO focused on just that one role. For example, I have so much else I can and should focus on. Like NOT buying presents last minute or finally putting together a nice dinner spread for the family.
Second, life slowing down is a good thing. It is a reminder to rest and recuperate our energy. To give ourselves the much needed relaxation time, where we’re not just resting but at much deeper, subtler levels, integrating.
Third, it’s a reminder to course-correct from a more conscious place. So, in my case, if I’m so absorbed doing something, I’m actually spending very little time being mindful and letting divine intervention participate. I hate to admit – but I’m often on autopilot these days even though I’m supposedly doing ‘conscious work’.
So much of what we do is meant to be done in collaboration with the Universe. Not in denial of its role in our life. Nor in fear of the consequences of our actions.
But when we are mostly living in our minds and limit ourselves to “our way”, it can feel like it’s us against the cosmos. When in reality, we are never separated from source, beyond the beliefs of this very mind.
What you can takeaway from this…
So many people think they need to pray unceasingly to wash away their sins. Or that God will punish them.
You can either see a challenge in life as a punishment, or as a way to segway into your ultimate freedom.
When all of this finally clicked, here’s what I decided.
Every time I get sucked back into the humaneness of my work in this sacred space and the Universe pauses it (like dipping readership or back-to-back client cancellations) I will thank it and ask, “what would you like to do through me instead?”
And then, I will pause and listen.
Maybe it’ll take a few days for the inspiration to come through. And it can be towards anything – from needing that free time to look after a sick loved one, to repurposing that time for a last-minute weekend getaway.
It always has added up, and instead of doubting the process, I will remind myself to keep listening.
Because we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the beautiful synchronicities of life itself, that put us on Earth.
So, why not partner with the divine and let your human side merge deeper into the mystical?
Why work against the Universe, when you can work with it?
That’s me, for this one. Here’s a video that also speaks to a similar theme.
Enjoying these bite-sized reflections? Let me know in the comments below. 🙂
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