Why Is Detachment Extremely Difficult in Relationships?

If detachment is so important for spiritual growth, why is it so difficult? Hopefully this post answers your question.


In a recent conversation with a friend, about detachment, it felt as if a rush of answers came in the newest way, bringing clarity to the topic like never before for the both of us. Sharing the conversation as is, because the dialogue may make this more relatable.

The exchange about detachment went as follows.

But now going back [to favourite place] kind of changed things too.

Which made me question my decision to go back in the first place.
Like, should we just leave good memories pristine and untouched?

Because trying to live them again by going back only sort of tarnished it for me, as I saw everything having changed and worsened.

I think we go back because we want to relive the good times and we associate that place with good times.

So going is essential if you’re SO attached, so that you can release that attachment and keep it only as a memory.
All the while knowing happiness is an inside job. Not place-bound. 

For me, [my favourite place] brought that same realisation. It was special while I was there, not after I left.

So I guess I relinquished that attachment once I returned from this trip. Which I felt is a bad thing as it’s not as special to me anymore.

Well, essentially, nothing IS special, nor should be. It’s just a means for us to experience ourselves.
Whether a place or through a relationship.

What remains special to you, is attachment.

And thus we need to experience it fully, without clouded vision to be able to detach.
Usually going back to a person, or place, helps see clearly.
Free from that Illusion.

I think I’m so unwilling to detach because having those intense feelings for something makes me feel more human? As if I’ve experienced something worthy?

Isn’t that why we all are not willing to detach? We want something to cling to while we’re here.

Detachment doesn’t invalidate your experience though.
We cling if we want to be here.
We let go if we understand we’re not meant to be here forever.

I read yesterday.. someone said..
“There’s a difference between being grateful and glad.”

So I guess the idea is to always remain grateful, even if you can’t always be glad about an experience.

It’s shifting your anchor from down here on Earth, to up there, into the universe.

I understand that.

But even people who don’t, why do you think they don’t give up attachments easily? As in, not even intentionally.

For the very reason that their anchor is on Earth.
They are too identified with their human nature to realise there’s nothing to cling on to.

The more you understand, the quicker you start to remember the truth. And start to practice it. 

Every time you see a situation that makes you cling, you are able to think from the bigger picture.

So the reason I didn’t want to let go [of favourite place], is that I made it part of my identity?


You are limiting yourself, by saying it was the source of your happiness. Your source is inside you, that place only helped you realise it.

But instead, you started seeing that place as the Source itself, and ached to go back, instead of finding it in yourself again.


Though the conversation was with regard to emotional attachment towards a place, this is true for people too. Our inability to part ways or mellow-down in relationships, stems from the fact that we start seeing them as the Source of our happiness.

But speaking spiritually, our happiness comes from the Universe. And the more we cling, attach, lean-on this Universe, our true Source, the easier detachment becomes.

I am firmly beginning to believe in the power of automatic writing, or channelling – it is a wondrous blessing to connect with and tap into the universe’s wisdom, subconscious, or what have you.

It feels very real, simply for the fact that I did not know, that I knew this piece of information, until it was spoken through me. And after having been spoken, it brought me clarity and peace.

Also Read : Why do resent people in relationships?

Hope this gave you the AHA-moment that it gave to us. 🙂


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