The Abundance Mindset: Can Money and Spirituality Go Together?

Can money and spirituality go together? Is money bad for your spiritual journey? Read this practical approach to the abundance mindset.

In a world that’s evolved to support digital currency and self-made artists on platforms such as Etsy, you’d think that most of our money problems are gone by now. But as is true for many things, many of us haven’t learned how to balance money and spirituality – we are often picking one over the other. I’ve been doing this myself, in many ways, which is why I want to talk about the abundance mindset.

Let’s explore how you can experience more contentment on your journey back to self, while embracing your wealth.

Different Ways Your Relationship With Money Might Be Blocking Your Growth

Let’s address the different money blocks we might have, and how we can adapt a more holistic mindset of abundance.

Note that you may not relate to all the ways of thinking below, but if there are areas which stand out to you, focus on those as potential spaces to heal your relationship with money.

#1 – You might think money is BAD.

Of course, nobody admits it. But we have been rewired to believe this. How?

This will subconsciously appear in your behavior as feeling guilty every time you spend ‘too much’ on something that wasn’t essential. Or, being unable to charge a fair price to others for your services and giving discounts that aren’t true to your offering (something even more common in the spiritual space).

abundance mindset does not come from undermining the value of our services

While growing up, many of us are taught to believe that wanting money is materialistic and shallow, and we begin to act out of that mindset. Example, you might hear your parents talk about the neighbor: yes, she has a lot of money but no brains.

Or finding yourself repeatedly hearing beliefs like: “money can’t buy love“, “money doesn’t buy happiness“, etc.

For a child, that can be internalized as: smart people don’t earn money. Or, if money can’t buy happiness, money and happiness don’t go together. Or in a similar fashion, money and love don’t go together, and so on.

A dear friend also shares her story to the same effect:

I personally have internalized the belief “money hurts”. Because when I was a child, my mother repeatedly cancelled my dance courses and I went deeply ashamed to the dancing teacher telling her that I would leave the course because we can’t pay it any more.

Up to today I prefer watching youtube dance videos than going to real workshops because I feel uncomfortable and guilty for spending money on it, instead of proud and grateful. In addition to that my mum applied for financial support for an excursion in school and I was the only one who needed to do this. I was also the only one who couldn’t go to the cinema or steak house with the other kids.

My mum always told me “We are different from the others. You can’t go because we don’t have money.” So money made me an outsider and I still associate it with the feeling of exclusion and pain. This is a strong pattern that blocks me nowadays in earning more money because I fear becoming an outsider because of envy, gold diggers etc.

However, the idea that money is bad for us for whatever reasons we’ve thought it to be is dated. It is also a winded-up interpretation of why spiritual seekers renounce their lifestyles and set up such stringent self-restraint parameters.

Money and all material pleasures are temporary in nature. They’re just as essential as we make them to be.

For instance, the recent turn in events because of the pandemic has taught us that we can still adapt and thrive with less parties, less shopping and less traveling.

However, most people act throughout their lives on autopilot. In such cases, it’s easy for us to become too tunnel-visioned and look at the material world as our only reality.

At the end of the day, money is energy, just like the things you buy with that money. And energy is neutral. It’s what intention we apply to it that makes energy beneficial or counterintuitive to our growth.

Are you using that money to consciously take care of your needs? Or living on autopilot with some of the dated notions and potentially fueling the endless flame of wants (called vasanas, in Sanskrit)? Take a moment to see what comes up for as you reflect on the answers to these questions.

#2 – You Might Think It Requires Hard Work To Earn Something.

We’ve already established that just like everything else, money is energy. Many of us humans are willing to spend a lot of energy in the form of time and labor, but sometimes become unwilling to open up to receiving the energy back.

How? Here are some examples.

  • You feel shy or say no to people when they give you a “gift”,
  • Random acts of kindness towards you make you question “what did I do to deserve this”,
  • Compliments make you awkward (but secretly happy),
  • Relationships require a lot of hard work, and the easy ones are probably not going to last so you end up sabotaging them,
  • You’re constantly putting in blood and sweat to make things work in your life.
man in black crew neck t shirt drinking yellow liquid from plastic bottle
Money is just one form of abundance. And just like money, at the receiving end, we often question whether we worked hard enough to really deserve something (or someone). This is a simple way to realize that we are imbalanced and have an unhealthy relationship with money.

If we keep questioning our efforts, we will automatically become workaholics, trying to overcompensate by putting in more energy than we allow to come our way.

As you do this, you end up working twice as hard as everyone and (usually) being low on time, low on satisfaction and low on self-esteem. You are basically fighting against yourself, and blocking your own destiny.

So, ask yourself why you deserve so little, and what would happen if you really gave permission to live a more fulfilling and abundant life. You may consider questioning what happened as you were growing up that made you believe money requires hard work or that you need to “deserve” abundance. Was there a caretaker or loved one that modeled the idea of hustling to you?

If we can use our past as a mirror, it can help us access greater depths of financial and energetic freedom.

our past holds the mirror to our freedom

For me, a shocking revelation came through during a past life regression session, showing me where my fear of poverty was really coming from. In the same way, I encourage you to reflect on your money story through different healing modalities and really open your aperture to healing.

#3 – You Think Money Is The Deciding Factor For Success.

This is me. Or rather, it was. When this blog began to kick-off after a few years, I started worrying more than I should have, about the success of it.

Ironically, I wasn’t doing any of this for the money, but for some reason, I was ingrained with the belief that I wasn’t successful if I wasn’t earning six or seven figures. Every day, I would show up at work, fearful and terrified that if I wasn’t “successful enough” soon, I would have to “give up” my passion and go back to my corporate job.

This did more harm than help me. Here’s a short video I where explain this block and transformation in more detail.

As the belief came to my awareness and I began questioning it, my goals became more aligned: impact versus income.

And I’ve noticed that in many people that I’ve worked with who are stuck with their money blocks, it is never really about the money. It’s about something deeper rooted, like success (in my case) or a sense of independence, etc.

Abundance means identifying the real reason you’re seeking money, and breathing into the ways life is already showing up for you right now. So, as a reflection question, you can ask yourself what other ways are you growing and receiving life’s gifts that may or may not be directly associated with money?

For me, some of these looked like –

  • More and more people trusting me with their stories,
  • Amazing online mentors that keep popping up and helping the blog grow with their awesome advice,
  • Higher quality collaborations and more diverse opportunities,
  • Getting more genuine feedback for the work I was doing,
  • Noticing a momentum in my own growth, as I continue to push through my limiting beliefs about myself,
  • Being able to serve a bigger demographic from around the world and learning from such a diverse group of people,
  • And so on.
If we take this further to a spiritual level, the truth is that our soul cannot be satisfied with merely financial support. It is beyond the needs of the human body. At a deeper level, we also crave community, we crave love, and we crave the human touch in whatever we are doing.

So another reflection question arises here.

If all your monetary needs were taken care of, would you still be so fixated on money as a defining factor for success? Or would you be able to sit back and appreciate all the other signs of growth that have followed you?

The abundance mindset encourages us to look beyond the green bills, and be grateful for every form of support that the Universe is sending to us. What are some of the ways in which the Universe has been cheering you on?

5 Practical Tips to Adopt The Abundance Mindset & Heal Your Relationship With Money

As the world progresses, some thing become simpler and other more complex. One thing that’s become more complex is the idea of success. As consumerism is rapidly exploding, it often feels like it’s imperative to run the rat race in order to fit into society.

happy women joying after shopping in store

There have only been a select set of people who could stay happy with very little. The others had become caught up, and chasing the material goods was so inherent, that we all forgot why we were doing this in the first place. The idea of pursuing a higher calling, being of service for the greater good became fuzzy.

Long story short, we’ve been living in a time where there’s an excess of all things, and a shortage of time. That’s why, once again, we are being asked to become picky about what our time is worth. Would you rather spend that hour watching a chick-flick, or reading the latest soulful book? Both choices are tempting, but the time to do them is limited.

Just like time can be an asset or a liability, so can money. The renunciate, a monk doesn’t want to bother about making everyday choices and handle more emotional baggage. And hence she frees herself of all worldly shackles.

How can you be a modern monk and renounce materialism in a practical way? By freeing yourself of certain decisions. Adapt the renunciate’s mindset with a win-win approach. Here are some ideas worth pondering upon.

Tip #1 – Understand abundance through minimalism.

Businessmen like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg have fixed wardrobes, wearing the same attire day-in and day-out to save themselves the hassle of worrying about what to wear, and how often to buy new clothes for their wardrobe.

This isn’t very different from what any monk does. The less you invest in shopping and picking your daily wardrobe, the more time you have to focus on your life purpose.

minimalism, modern monk, money and spirituality can go hand in hand

Also think about consumerism from another stand point – what you ingest. And I don’t just mean food. I mean information too. The more we input, the more we are forced to output.

Our ability to actually process information, digest and internalize it has become limited, thus robbing us from the present moment. It’s time we get off the hamster wheel of consuming and believing we need more, and instead see that so much is already being taken care of right now!

The less you consume, the more time you have to focus on what matters in the long run. You are no longer scattered, and you are able to concentrate your energy onto actually achieving the goals you have set.

And of course, you spend less. 🙂

Tip #2 – Understand the Law of Abundance.

If we have needs, the Universe will take care of them. That’s something that we need to grasp. How? Understand the law of abundance.

The first aspect of this law is that the Universe will find the shortest route to get something you need to you.

If you are not sure that something has been divinely sent to you, ask for signs. I always enjoy sharing this example about asking the Universe for parking space and noticing a car reverse to vacate a spot, the moment I arrive.

There are many such ways in which the Universe shows up for us. We only need to keep asking, keep trusting, and keep receiving.

The second aspect is that there is no lack in the Universe.

You don’t need to wait because it’s somebody else’s turn to receive today.

You also don’t need to want less so that the others can have a share. There is enough for everyone, including YOU.

And third, is that the Universe is always giving.

We only need to be ready to receive.

The resource may not come to you in the way you thought it will. It may not be instant gratification, but you will see instant guidance.

For instance, if you want a fancy car, the Universe may not give you the next lottery ticket. But it might land you in an awesome job that lets you comfortably afford that car. But, how will you get the car, if you don’t apply for a new job?

photo of audi parked near trees, abundance mindset

There are hundreds of ways in which the divine forces conspire to bring us closer to our dreams – keep your eyes and ears open and when you notice something, don’t hesitate to walk on those suggestions.

At times, our ego-mind will get in the way and make us think it was “by chance”. Don’t let such limiting beliefs sabotage your growth!

Tip #3 – Move away from money.

I’m not trying to be philosophical and suggest something like you attract what you don’t need anymore. But remember my example from before, being driven by numbers? It became obsessive and that’s how I would show up in conversations.

If you’re struggling with money, you’re likely to be doing the same. Finding ways to earn more, in every single thing you do. Even in the most basic conversations. No matter what we do to hide our thoughts, we can’t mask our mindset entirely. In some form or the other, it becomes evident.

Even the Warren Buffet of Japan, Wahei Takeda said that his first lesson about money is that “forget about money”. If you want money, you have to forget about money, because money is the end result what we get after serving the world. You need to focus on what you can give to the world.

Do Something Great for the world, higher calling

So, observe the ways in which money limits your vision of life, ways in which you are not nurturing the abundance mindset. And then, ask yourself questions that can steer you in a different direction, such as,

  • What are the ways in which I feel enriched and alive, independent of money?
    (think compliments, opportunities, healthy friendships, and so on)
  • Who can I look up to and follow, to accelerate my growth? What are some of their qualities I can embody?
    (you will notice that being rich is not a quality, perseverance or patience would be)
  • What do I already have that I am very grateful for?
    (think, if something you didn’t count as a blessing was taken away from you today, how you would feel)
Do what you can, to bring money down from the pedestal and put it in its actual place. When we are able to move beyond the primal goals, we can focus on actual growth.

Tip #4 – Change your money story.

Over the past years, I’ve done a lot of deep, inner work around money wounds and what I realize is that it’s never really about the money. It’s always about something deeper, like success or safety, or freedom. There’s only way to truly free ourselves from the lacking mindset, is to change our money story.

To be intentional with how you see money, I recommend taking on a practice or program that can keep you grounded for the next several weeks. That way, you’re setting aside time to rewire and create new neural networks with money.

abundance, healing

One way that helped me to rewire the mind to see the abundance that’s already present in my life, and clear the money blocks was taking on the Money Mindset + Miracles self-paced program.

This involved 30-days of being intentional with my money story, and using powerful tools shared by my mentor and coach Alyssa Nobriga, to first focus on “inner freedom”, and then taking aligned actions to manifest the income goals I had set out to achieve. I’ve done this course twice and find something deeper to clear and heal every time!

This course, paired with my training as a mastery method coach really elevated my understanding of how deep our money wounds run in the collective consciousness. As I started unpacking my stories, I felt so free from the deep-rooted idea that how much I made in my profession had anything to do with my self-worth!

Helping people elevate their money story has become an important part of my practice as a coach. And I’m also happy to hold that space for anyone that’s ready to do the work and accelerate on their journey of healing. Feel free to schedule in a complimentary clarity session with me here.

Tip #5 – Explore the Zen way of evolving your relationship with money.

When I signed up for Ken Honda‘s course called Money EQ, the very first thing that intrigued me was the idea that money has emotions. He started off with a fun exercise, guiding a visualization to see if the money in our pockets is happy or not.

I was amused and pleased to notice that money felt very happy in my pocket, because it knew it could trust me! This was a different level of confirmation that I’m on the right path, aligning to wealth and not avoiding it. The teachings remain true to the ideology that we can be abundant and yet, our fulfillment extends to not just making money, but creating a wealthy life, encompassing things that money cannot buy.

I also like the question he put forward: “If money were a person, who would it be? Would they be kind and gentle, like a welcomed friend? Or, would they be cold, mean, and unfriendly?

There were many powerful practices that liberated me from more of my money blocks. One of them being a brain training meditation, that rapidly unfolded a past life memory for me. Not only was I rich in a past life, I was very unhappy and the money around me was scared of me.

Having now seen that side of me, I could finally understand and release my otherwise unexplainable fear of being a “bad person” if I am wealthy.

Another practice that was deeply inspiring was tapping into the ancestral wounds that we carry in our energy field. I could see how my grandfather’s relationship with money had been transferred to me, unconsciously. And as I released that, another “shift” took place, both internally and externally. I finally started stepping into my power, claiming my right to an abundant life, and an abundant mind.

There were multiple trainings and insightful teachings over the span of 3 weeks that the wealth guru from Japan shared, that I’ve never heard of before! It’s definitely something I’d like to run through again in the future, fine-tuning on the teachings I didn’t fully integrate the first time.

I have a strong conviction that this work will deeply transform anyone that tries it too. He also has a free masterclass here, for anyone that’s curious to dip their toes into what his course looks like. If you do enjoy it and sign up for the program, you would also be supporting me through a small affiliate bonus, at no extra cost to you. Thank you in advance, for that! 🙂

Concluding Thoughts

Spirituality is not separate from money. The modern monk’s goal isn’t to live a frugal life, trying to immunize herself of the ‘maya jaal‘ (illusory trap). Rather to have intelligent self-control and to use these very materials to achieve deeper spiritual alignment.

For example, as my editor shares: 

I need money to buy a laptop to take an online course of Computer Science. Here my end goal is not money per se, nor the laptop as a material thing, but my end goal is to follow my childhood dream of studying Computer Science. Same with being a writer: To become a writer, oftentimes I need money to be able to access the internet, create a blog and invest 24/7 into my dreams. Money to me is a tool to walk our life path; it helps us to grow.

Use money as a gateway to your inner and outer success, not as the end goal. Allow yourself to step back from societal notions, and look at the bigger picture. Focus on the real end goal.

Focus on attaining enlightenment. 🙂

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Practicing Peace: 5 Ways To Be More Peaceful With Emotional Intelligence

How you can use emotional intelligence to have more peace and calm in your daily life? Here are 5 tips for self-reflection and healing.

These past few years, I’ve been focusing on a healing word that I can use as a focal point for my growth. Last year, I picked gratitude, and shared some practical tips on how to cultivate grateful living in everyday life. This new year, I’m picking peace as my focal point to remember in day-to-day situations.

Through this article, here’s my list of recommendations on what I’m doing to become more calm and contained, this year.

What Does It Mean To Be Peaceful?

Being peaceful is not the same as being happy.

Happiness, just like sadness or anger, is an emotion.

Peace is a state of mind. When we are peaceful, we are not disturbed by our surroundings, or even by the inner chatter. And when that happens, we radiate a certain calmness into the world. Something which touches other people and helps them come to ease too.

So, we’re not aiming to be annoyingly happy. Nor are we aiming to be delusional or ignorant of our reality. We are simply focusing on being less shaken by all of it. A.k.a. PEACEFUL.

The following approach is what I’ve tried and will be expanding on in deeper capacity this year. Here are my 5 recommendations, written with a perspective of emotional awareness and emotional intelligence.

5 Ways to Become More Peaceful And Calm

#1 – Monitor The Emotional Charge

No matter how much we heal ourselves, there are still many ways in which we get triggered and swayed away by emotions. Then, we act out, from a place of anger, sadness, or some other kind of underlying emotion of overwhelm.

The way we can become more peaceful, is to keep observing the situations which carry emotional charge in our day-to-day life. There’s a good chance that there are patterns and similarities in seemingly different scenarios.

For instance, even though you may get angry for two very different reasons, what you do after you get angry might be the exact same. You might either slam the door and walk off, or get carried away and start blurting hurtful things.

fist, anger, emotional charge. self awareness, angry, not peaceful, opposite of peace

When you know you have a strong inclination to do certain things under pressure, start asking yourself what you can do instead. Break the circuit of your emotional response, and pick something that is more in alignment with a peaceful mind.

Some ideas could be:

  • Drinking water to physically cool down your flared energy,
  • Taking deep breaths and staying quiet for about 90-seconds while you observe yourself in the present moment and feel the emotional charge pass out of your system,
  • Reminding yourself to keep your heart open and to interrogate the absurdity instead of closing up because of it.

Remember that it will take some practice to break the circuit and shift your response. But only you can do it, and it’s a good time to get started 🙂

#2 – Don’t just focus on the negative emotional charge.

This may sound counterintuitive, but just like we don’t want to hold the negative emotions, we don’t want to experience an emotional ‘high’.

Seeking these highs are what create shopaholic tendencies, and other self-gratifying escapes like binging on food, numbing the mind with countless hours of television, etc.
woman holding a smiley balloon, emotional intelligence, peace, gratitude, happy

Being aware of our energy dips is important because it helps us perform better. But we also want to know when we spike, because that too is disruption and can cause instability.

Not to say that I’m anywhere near being unaffected by happiness. Every time I get happy feedback, I’m grinning from ear to ear like a child. But what I am doing more of now, is reminding myself that happiness is a temporary state.

So start by observing the high, and how you act when you are happy. As some wise person once said, and I paraphrase, don’t take actions when you are angry and don’t make commitments when you are happy.

Being driven by any range of emotion will make our decision and action biased. Just like anger or sadness, let the initial ‘rush’ of happiness leave your system before you move forward with something.

#3 – Don’t fuel the flames.

When you are spiraling down the emotional trap, observe the ways in which your ego-mind cooks a story around the situation, and makes things worse for you.

My mom always shared this with me when I was growing up. When something bad happens to us once, but we keep thinking about it over and over again, we are becoming our own enemy.

You can end up adding fuel to the flames, and exaggerating things, blowing them out of proportion.

photo of woman touching her head, overthinking is counterproductive to becoming more peaceful

On the other hand, if an emotion is untampered, and we can simply be with it as its energy moves out of our system, we can be free from the charge within a couple minutes! We don’t need to carry the emotion or situation into the future, prolonging our healing for days and adding more to the mess.

So, to practice peace, remember that your mind needs to be on your side, and not working against you.

#4 – Fake it till you make it.

Keep asking yourself what you would do in this situation, if you were enlightened. This isn’t faking it, as click-bait as the subheading seemed. It is the simplest way to move ourselves into conscious living.

monk, buddha, thinking, enlightenment, peace, spirituality
The more agitated you are, the further away from a peaceful reaction you will be. So, pull yourself back into the mindset of a wise person, and operate from there.

At times, this may not happen in the moment. But use this question to reflect on what you could have done instead, and practice doing that going forward.

Here are other reflections that can help you think in a more enlightened way.

#5 – Move beyond self-righteousness.

We are often stirred because something didn’t sit right with us. In our worldview, this thing should not have been said, or done. And yet, it has been.

denial, acceptance, surrender, argument, duality, oneness

An important part of the journey to a life of peace and calm then becomes acceptance. Sure, there are things that will happen to our liking, and some will be against it.

But our preferences are what make this duality come to life, for ourselves. Our preferences teach us that somethings deserve to be in the Universe, and some don’t belong. But that’s not true. The mere fact that the thing happened, is evidence that it is all possible and happening.

So, the more accepting we are, the deeper we experience oneness.

This isn’t to say that you become passive or don’t stand up against crime, as extreme examples. It’s simply to say that we need to stop living in DENIAL. And when we start seeing reality for what it is, and move beyond self-righteousness and dogma of what the world should be, we become at ease.

And thus, we make our way towards peace.

Concluding Thoughts

Prioritizing our peace in our life is one of the most important things we can do to stay sane.

It’s easy to get pulled into the whirlpool and spin round and round in the turbulence of emotions. But if we can practice self-restraint and be vigilant, we can step away from these emotional charges and move ourselves into a more quiet state of mind.

To help you with that, I’ve put together this workbook as a great way to explore your journey with more emotional awareness.

From this state of mind, not only does our decision-making become more practical, we are less likely to do what’s ‘easy’ and instead do what’s right.

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What Reparenting Means & 5 Ways to Heal Your Inner Child Wounds

How can reparenting help your daily life? Why is it important to heal your inner child wounds? What are some tips & tricks? Read this!

Inner Child Healing has been a big part of my journey over the past couple of years. And the process through which it’s done, called reparenting, has not only helped me see my behaviors and patterns, it has helped me release them from the root and evolve much more rapidly.

While going to a therapist or coach is the conventional way to work on your inner child wounds, a lot of the healing activities require you to pursue them consistently, by yourself.

So it’s worth knowing about the tools you can apply in day-to-day life. And then if and when you’re ready, work on deeper wounds with a professional.

Let’s begin with understanding this word reparenting first – something that you’ll commonly hear about throughout your inner child work.

What is Reparenting?

I will explain this to you with a few examples from personal experiences.

When I started sitting with my ‘mother wounds’, it felt like opening Pandora’s box of grudges against my mom! And I realized one thing. The young version of me had a lot of issues in how she was treated by her elders.

Why would you hold my arms and force me to eat?

Years later, I found out that I was a difficult kid to feed. I wouldn’t sit still when I was eating, and I would be full even before I had a few bites. I had a small appetite and a fussiness towards when I wanted to be fed.

Back in the days, my mom succumbed to a spinal injury after a life-threatening accident. She could no longer chase me. So holding my hands and gripping me close to her was her only way to feed me. Her last resort would be to scare me with the tale of calling the cops if I didn’t eat.

It amuses me now when I remember it! But it taught me that she was just doing her best and that there wasn’t any malice in intention, like my inner child’s mind had made up.

woman carrying baby at beach during sunset, parent wounds, healing your inner child with reparenting
Why did I have to study so much? Why wasn’t I allowed to watch Harry Potter or go on school trips like the other kids?

I had recently moved to India in between my academic years, and the only way I could catch-up with the curriculum was to spend extra hours studying after school. Even then, it took me many years to be able to adapt to the Indian education system, which led to other inner child wounds.

Plus my immunity wasn’t strong, which already led to many days off from school. So it was the only way I could have been protected – by not exposing me to potentially unhygienic conditions that come from group travel.

Tough love makes more sense now, but it didn’t back then.

Why were you so strict when I was growing up, always asking me to do things the way you wanted them to be done?

Because it was the right thing to do. Today, I’m not fussy about my veggies. I don’t mind making my bed, squeezing in the backseat when there’s too many people in the car, or serving food to a guest before eating first.

I’m flexible and disciplined in many areas in life where peers have thrown a fuss – it’s all thanks to my mother. Of course, there’s much room for improvement, which is why reparenting plays a role. But we’ll talk more about that shortly.

Who Is Right or Wrong In Inner Child Work?

In the age that these things happened, they mattered a lot to me. My experience wasn’t wrong because every person has the right to their own emotions and reactions. But at the end of the day, my perception was limited to myself. I wasn’t able to see the whole picture.

So while I had the right to feel upset, I wouldn’t have felt upset in the first place had I been able to grasp why things happened. Now, this doesn’t mean I was being selfish – at the end, a child can only perceive so much.

However, it means that as an adult, I am required to think beyond that child’s limited point of view and cater to my wounds with a more mature approach.

But until I didn’t understand my role in my healing, things affected how I related to my family. And because my personality was that of a quiet and sincere child at the time, I became a rebel as I grew up.

I started reacting, and overreacting as a teenager. I had tantrums and mood swings.

Even years into my twenties, I noticed a love-hate relationship. I was triggered quite easily. Because subconsciously, I was still hurting.

But on the surface I couldn’t understand why, because by the age of 25, I could easily talk about everything with my parents. They were best friends to me! Then why did I have my mood inconsistencies towards them?

This is what finally helped me. Reparenting my wounded inner child.

I stepped into my shoes AND my parents’ shoes. I took care of my inner child exactly in the way my younger self wanted to be taken care of, while integrating my mother’s and father’s perspective into the process too.

blue jeans

So, reparenting is not only giving your younger self their childhood back by fulfilling their desires. It’s about bringing closure to the events that trigger you because of anything that happened or continues to happen around your parents, siblings, teachers, peers and more.

Reparenting is the process of being your own parent, and finding your own blend of self-love and tough-love.

After understanding the hurt within, my dynamic changed drastically and I was able to show up for everyone around me with a lot more compassion and love. Especially my dearest momma and papa.

As a side note, I’ve written a small ode to my mom, for some of the lessons she has taught me.

These were the things I’ve taken for granted all this while but can now see transparently, because I am no longer hurt. That is the power of reparenting – the process of being your own parent and nurturing your inner child.

How Does Reparenting Your Inner Child Wounds Help In Daily Life?

Here are just some of the experiences, benefits and results that me and my clients have seen from inner child healing.

#1 – You gain Emotional Intelligence.

Many of us are told not to cry as a child, or that getting angry is wrong. So, we suppress these feelings and over the years forget how to express them at all.

man person people emotions, emotional intelligence from reparenting your inner child wounds

Some people may have nervous breakdowns later-on, in their adult life. Or they’ll experience bursts of rage and be ashamed of overreacting. All because the emotions are pent up over many years and many circumstances, and now are desperately seeking an outlet.

Anger and sadness are two powerful emotions that can and should be channelled properly. Once you work on inner child healing, it becomes much easier for to you let these emotions gracefully pass out of your system.

#2 – You increase your ability to love yourself.

I can’t tell you about the number of times I’ve had a client tell me they’re too hard on themselves! It’s common for us to expect more from ourselves but sometimes, this expectation becomes toxic.

When we’re so hard on ourselves all the time, it’s natural that we feel uncomfortable being alone. We don’t like our own company!

young troubled woman using laptop at home

But there’s always a reason that we’ve picked up responses from, like
why am I so dumb!
can’t I ever do anything on time?!
why does nobody love me?!
can I ever get anything right on the first try?!
why does nothing ever work my way!

And so on. Our dialogue with ourself is highly self-critical and can lead to a poor sense of self-esteem. We may have learned to think this way due to an external factor, like some of the stories I shared before. But eventually, it becomes our own story.

Healing your inner child helps you see that story and change it. Then, it becomes easier to practice the trendy things like self-love and self-care when you genuinely take care of the parts of you that have been hurting for so long.

And through the reparenting process, you’re able to develop a completely new relationship with your needs – no longer putting them on hold for a few more decades!

#3 – You give yourself permission to be carefree.

I’ve had every single inner child discussion lead to one conclusion – we need to stop being so uptight.

inner child healing, carefree children, reparenting

It is easy as adults to be confined under norms and rules. So much so that we forget how to be playful, and we’re constantly in work-mode. But once you start tapping into the energy of reparenting yourself, that spark returns.

On the other hand, I’ve had a few clients reverse their procrastination and moodiness into actually being able to show up for their work and make tangible progress towards their daily goals.

These are two ends of the same spectrum – doing what’s necessary but knowing when to stop.

#4 – You stop feeling helpless and become much more independent.

Once you understand that you can still give yourself the joy of a piano lesson or eating a giant chocolate bar in one seating, it becomes easier to take accountability for one’s happiness.

action carefree cropland daylight

You are no longer as dependent on your friends or loved ones to make you feel happy.

Therefore, through reparenting, you stop feeling helpless and dejected because you begin to move inwards and give yourself that joy. You become much more self-dependent versus codependent.

#5 – You become more authentic.

When you’re tuned in to your needs, you are able to pursue them as ‘needs’ and not ‘wants’. This helps you express yourself better. And when you begin validating your rights and place in life, it becomes easier to set healthier relationship boundaries as well.

You are also able to dissolve conflicts better, and say what you feel without losing your mind in an argument.

Eventually, you become more natural and easy-going to be around. And you aren’t as obsessed with people-pleasing or insecurity-based tendencies because you truly step into your power with all the inner work you do.

You understand what it means now, to love too much, and are able to overcome that by first giving yourself the nurturing qualities you seek from others. By the beautiful and mystical ways of the universe, the more you’re able to do that, the more people around you are inclined to be good to you!

How Does Reparenting Your Inner Child Wounds Help Your Spiritual Journey?

One metaphysical aspect is that reparenting helps you connect with the pure and eternal part of your inner child – your soul. This is the aspect that speaks to you through your inner child to help you reconnect with God and bring you simple yet profound guidance when you’re stuck in an ‘adult-life’ crisis.

angels, higher self, spiritual image, healing, divine light

As beneficial as other spiritual and personal development courses are, I also believe that you are missing a fundamental part of yourself until you’ve made peace with your wounded inner child.

Sure, past life regression can heal your previous incarnations, and using Reiki, tarots and crystals can bring you tremendous healing at an energy level. But some of the deepest rooted wounds, behaviors and tendencies actually originate from our childhood, from this lifetime.

This is because when we’re growing up, we are the most vulnerable and thus most susceptible to getting hurt. So working on these wounds is integral, if you want to get over the small stuff fast and like I said before – evolve rapidly.

Are there any challenges when working on reparenting?

There are a few hiccups that you will learn to overcome. But I do want to mention them.

The first challenge is that you might experience many ups and downs. On some days, you might feel worse before you feel better.

As innocent as a child is, they go through quite a bit of emotional turbulence. You may discover that you’re holding many grudges and initially resent the very people you’re trying to heal your past with. It can temporarily create more duality in your relationships or make you experience deep sadness and loneliness.

This is natural and will pass, as you learn to open your heart again, in deeper ways.

However, if you’re someone that’s not ready to experience emotional waves, you may want to hold back on deeper inner child healing and instead focus on the lighter aspects, like learning how to be carefree and having more fun in life.

The second hiccup is the resistance to let go of old patterns.

Some aspects of our ego refuse to be healed. Maybe because we are unwilling to take accountability for how we feel, or that we are just not ready to let go of something.

Sometimes, you may even change an old behavior. But because you’ve been doing it for so long, it will keep coming back when you’re challenged. Then, it can almost feel like you’ve hit a plateau.

In such cases, people can feel low or like they’re incapable of change. It might lead to thinking that inner child work is not for them. It’s best to remain aware of this resistance and continue working on it subtly until it loosens its grip.

For these reasons, inner child work is a deeply intimate space of healing that should be done when you’re ready to open the pandora box.

But as I always say – you went through it once already, and now you have decades worth of more experience to go through it again. This time, to free yourself of it, once and for all.

5 Ways to Reparent and Heal Your Inner Child

#1 – Tap into the energy of your inner child.

One of the easiest ways to do that is through kid’s television. I love singing an old favorite cartoon rhyme like Barney’s song! Even watching a few episodes of Blue’s Clues gets me into the childlike headspace.

engage with inner child through cartoons

You can even look through old childhood photographs, or practice basic journaling techniques like the ones I shared in this article.

When you’re ready, you can eventually progress into more advanced journaling, hypnotherapy and visualizations – all modules taught within the workshops I conduct.

#2 – Express Yourself Like A Child

Ever noticed how a child doesn’t conceal their feelings? If a child is happy, you’ll know. If a child is angry, you and everyone in a one-mile radius will know! Jokes aside, the best thing about being so open and vulnerable about your feelings, is that you don’t carry them into the future.

The best example is when two kids that were fighting a day ago will be laughing and having a great time together the next day. Why can’t us adults do that!

two kids playing beside glass windows, reparenting your inner child through expressing your emotions

Allow yourself to express negative emotions like anger and sadness unapologetically. This is a powerful resource to help you reshape your relationship with difficult emotions.

#3 – Do Things Your Inner Child Always Wanted to

Many of our childhood passions were not potential career choices, and we were swayed away from them. Sometimes they were distracting our education. At other times, we couldn’t afford them, or our elders simply found them as a waste of time.

But a big part of inner child work is walking down those half-explored paths and seeing what unfolds this time.

Whether it’s practicing art at the age of 40, or taking bike lessons at the age of 60, it’s never too late. It can even be a hobby like building a coin collection, or writing poetry. There are countless communities out there that support and encourage you to pursue your childhood dreams as adults.

The more you do this, the more fulfilled your past self will be. And you’ll be able to collect those missing pieces and complete the puzzle of your life.

#4 – Play With Other Children

I don’t just mean toddlers or infants, which in itself is a great way to reconnect with your inner child. I also mean to play with the inner child of another person!

baby touching woman s face

For instance, my husband and I love to play boardgames. And it surely brings out our inner child when we’re being sore losers! 🙂

In the same way, you can encourage your friends and family to do something fun that helps bring their inner child out.

#5 – Practice talking to yourself.

It can be strange at first, but simply checking in with yourself and asking the following questions can really help you in getting to know your needs better.
Why are you feeling upset?
– Who made you feel that way in the past?
– How did that affect you back then?
– How would you like to feel now?

– What can you do to overcome this the right way this time?

As you begin having such conversations with yourself, you’ll notice flashbacks of memories going way back into your childhood. And it’ll become easier to realize where the root was for a certain belief system, how it impacted you, and how you can overcome it now.

Professional Help For Reparenting Your Inner Child

I’d be lying if I said I did all this on my own. I’m a well-read person but even then, self-help books can only take you so far. At some point, you begin to crave a connection with someone at the same wavelength who can guide you through the journey.

It took me 2 years to find my first spiritual coach, and she became a mentor in no-time. I went to her for one problem, but ended up exploring a totally different side of myself.

If you want your personal development to not be linear (or even stagnant), consider the possibility of getting help.

I love working with people, and have dedicated my life’s purpose to this path. If you feel inspired, you’re welcome to schedule one-on-one time with me and get support for your self-discovery journey!

Concluding Thoughts

I thought it’d be interesting to bring all of us adults together, so that our inner child interacts and makes new spiritual friends! For that, I’m throwing a virtual party this month, something along the lines of a spiritual Halloween.

If that sounds like something you’d want to join, just drop me a note for details. Let’s all bring our inner child out to play this October!

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