Should Spiritual People Get Married?

To hermit, or to co-habitat?

It is a widespread (thankfully, now becoming corrected) notion that spirituality equals renouncing everything and becoming a monk.

Should someone that’s trying to transcend the world still buy Nike shoes and go on expensive dinners?

Truth is, spirituality isn’t about resisting your life, it’s about transcending it.

How? Let’s look at a simple example – eating chips or popcorn. Most of us grab a handful and stuff our faces with the crispy goodness, not even chewing properly. Now, if you were to look at a video of yourself eating popcorn at the movies, you might be taken aback and cringe.

Conscious living is pretty much that – watching yourself like a movie, as often as you can. The behaviours you don’t like, when you see with your own eyes, will reduce and eventually stop, or transform into something better.

The desires you have, the materialism you seek must also be transcended – at your own pace.

What about marriage – can we transcend our life with a partner by our side?

With the Mirror Technique, we can.

Self-awareness would not have been possible, we would not be able to see our true nature, had it not been for others around us. We are able to reflect on our behaviour, our mistakes, our grudges and resentments, only because people give us that opportunity.

Board, Flower, Excuse Me, Sorry, I Beg Your Pardon

Yes, loving relations are the sign of a healthy and happy life, but they are not available to all of us, for the simple fact that we are yet to apply the mirror technique.

The mirror technique simply means, stop seeing the other person’s actions and instead start seeing your reactions. What arises within you whenever they act; WHY are you angry? WHY are you jealous? WHY are you insecure?

Use every interaction with another person as an opportunity to meet yourself with greater depth.

And that’s when real healing begins.

How can you know your ability to forgive if someone doesn’t hurt you?

How can you overcome your jealousy if you didn’t even experience it, if you didn’t share that kind of intimacy in the first place?

Resistance is delaying, preventing yourself from experiencing the darkest side of your being. And just like music – the deeper you can sing on the scale, the higher you’ll be able to hit on the octave too. And so is life – you cannot know your light, until you face your darkness.

And what better a way, than with a partner who you’ve committed to live with, till death do you part? If you don’t believe me, Justin Timberlake has written an entire song about it to explain this! Check it out.

Related image
Image Source : iMDB

This person will push your buttons at every step of the way – right from conflicts over room temperatures and changing baby diapers at midnight, to who-said-what’s and then some…

Come to think of it – they will really help you apply all kinds of spiritual techniques.

Thanks to all the ups and downs, you’ll remember God a lot more. I mean how often do you remember God when life’s smooth?

You’ll learn to surrender when your partner is stubborn.

You’ll trust the process when your partner is making a mess-up.

You’ll learn to co-create and co-habitat, just as humans are designed to do, thus overriding your ego.

And you’ll learn the truest form of unconditional love and devotion, when you fall in love with your partner and children, each time in a greater capacity.

Sunset, Family, Game, Silhouette, Set

To understand this better, let me quote Sadhguru, as he explains in his work, Adiyogi,

There was a difference between her [Parvati] and the sages; she was in love with him [Shiva] and the sages were in love with what he had [mastery over Self]. Because of her level of perception and receptivity, Shiva took her directly to the peak of attainment [Enlightenment through love].

Whether we go hunting for Enlightenment in a cave, or in the solitude of a room at home, the end-goal is attainable. Because it isn’t the outside dynamics that matter; it all comes down to one thing – the inner thirst for this quest.

Ofcourse, to each their own, but the kind of lives we’ve signed up for don’t exactly permit the kind of extremism anymore, which sages and monks once practised.

We’ve got to find our peace here, and now.

Quotes, Carpe Diem, Word, Diem, Inspiration, Saying

Getting married whilst on a spiritual pursuit is like a double ‘challenge accepted’.

It’s about balancing the hermit and the materialistic sides in you.

And at the same time, it is the best of both worlds. 🙂

Image Courtesy : pixabay.com, shutterstock.com

Why is Detachment So Difficult?

So THIS is why we’re always finding our happiness in other people and places.

In a recent conversation with a friend, about detachment, it felt as if a rush of answers came in the newest way, bringing clarity to the topic like never before for the both of us. Sharing the conversation as is, because the dialogue may make this more relateable.

NOTE: Personal details have been omitted to maintain my friend’s privacy.

The exchange went as follows.

But now going back [to favourite place] kind of changed things too.

Which made me question my decision to go back in the first place.
Like, should we just leave good memories pristine and untouched?

Because trying to live them again by going back only sort of tarnished it for me, as I saw everything having changed and worsened.

I think we go back because we want to relive the good times and we associate that place with good times.

So going is essential if you’re SO attached, so that you can release that attachment and keep it only as a memory.
All the while knowing happiness is an inside job. Not place-bound. 

For me, [my favourite place] brought that same realisation. It was special while I was there, not after I left.

So I guess I relinquished that attachment once I returned from this trip. Which I felt is a bad thing as it’s not as special to me anymore.

Well, essentially, nothing IS special, nor should be. It’s just a means for us to experience ourselves.
Whether a place or through a relationship.

What remains special to you, is attachment.

And thus we need to experience it fully, without clouded vision to be able to detach.
Usually going back to a person, or place, helps see clearly.
Free from that Illusion.

I think I’m so unwilling to detach because having those intense feelings for something makes me feel more human? As if I’ve experienced something worthy?

Isn’t that why we all are not willing to detach? We want something to cling to while we’re here.

Detachment doesn’t invalidate your experience though.
We cling if we want to be here.
We let go if we understand we’re not meant to be here forever.

I read yesterday.. someone said..
“There’s a difference between being grateful and glad.”

So I guess the idea is to always remain grateful, even if you can’t always be glad about an experience.

It’s shifting your anchor from down here on Earth, to up there, into the universe.

I understand that.

But even people who don’t, why do you think they don’t give up attachments easily? As in, not even intentionally.

For the very reason that their anchor is on Earth.
They are too identified with their human nature to realise there’s nothing to cling on to.

The more you understand, the quicker you start to remember the truth. And start to practice it. 

Every time you see a situation that makes you cling, you are able to think from the bigger picture.

So the reason I didn’t want to let go [of favourite place], is that I made it part of my identity?

Yes.

You are limiting yourself, by saying it was the source of your happiness. Your source is inside you, that place only helped you realise it.

But instead, you started seeing that place as the Source itself, and ached to go back, instead of finding it in yourself again.

End.

Though the conversation was with regard to a place, this is true for people too. Our inability to part ways or mellow-down in relationships, stems from the fact that we start seeing them as the Source of our happiness. But speaking spiritually, our happiness comes from the Universe. And the more we cling/attach/lean-on this Universe, our true Source, the easier detachment becomes.

I am firmly beginning to believe in the power of automatic writing, or channelling – it is the wondrous blessing to connect with and tap into the universe’s wisdom, subconscious, or what have you.

It feels very real, simply for the fact that I did not know, that I knew this piece of information, until it was spoken through me. And after having been spoken, it brought me clarity and peace.

Hope this gave you the AHA-moment that it gave to us. 🙂