My first encounter with body shaming was by some girls in class when I was a teenager.
I thought they were my friends.
They would constantly tell me I have fat legs or I wasn’t curvy enough like a girl should be. That I couldn’t dance as femininely as the other girls. Furthermore, I’d hear remarks about not being fair-complexioned, and that my hair was ugly because it wasn’t silky smooth.
I also remember a few occasions when my dressing sense was commented upon in a not-so-positive way.
Thus, I remained conscious of my body and appearance throughout my teen years and early twenties. This resulted in many subconscious decisions to cope with the fear of body-shaming.
- Pulling up my socks all the way to my knees, and wearing extra long skirts as a part of the school uniform.
- Rarely ever casually wearing dresses, because I didn’t want to reveal my legs.
- Avoiding dancing in public because I didn’t want to ‘not look lady-like’.
- Wearing loose-fitted clothes to hide my body shape.
- Wearing stripes and formals to appear ‘professional’.
- Almost always keeping my hair tied-up in a ponytail.
- Trying unnecessary face packs and hair masks to conceal the flaws.
My method of coping meant associating being ‘girly’ with being mean and arrogant, the way those girls were, who made fun of me in my teen years. This thus meant that I was also avoiding makeup, ignoring high-heels and gravitating towards the label of a ‘tomboy’.
But this finally began to change, once I started feeling more confident in my skin and hanging out around people that saw the good in me.
They saw me for more than my appearance.
I finally experimented with my hairstyle once I was 23 years old, in the office! Not because somebody was watching me, but because I wanted to embrace my feminine energy.
The real breakthrough came when I started shopping for my wedding.
My mom, sister-in-law and husband played a huge role in encouraging me to expand my wardrobe outside the realm of ‘jeans’.
One outfit at a time, one dangling earring at a time, one pair of high heels at a time, my hesitations began to dissolve.
It was the effect of inner work, support from loved ones and building self-confidence that finally cornered this silly notion that fat girls don’t wear dresses.
So here I was. Finally, ready to move beyond my inner critic.
Concluding Thoughts
Body positive is not just a fad, it’s a necessity.
Every child and teenager needs to know that they look perfect, just the way they are. And it is the responsibility of every adult to acknowledge everything that makes a child beautiful – not just their outer appearance.
Read More : My Therapy Stories – Inner Child Wounds
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This is really a beautiful story. We don’t need to be ashamed on what flaws we have. We must proud and brave to face it.
Absolutely, Elizabeth! Thanks for your comment 💜
I was surprised by this article, nice and thank you for sharing it here 🙂
Girls can be so cruel to each other. I’m glad I’ve always been surrounded by positive friends.
Society tends to “tell” us what is the right body image for girls and woman with media and etc. But, I am glad that real-life stories and also the fight against what the industry tells us what is the right body size is getting more and more motion these days. Thanks for sharing your story! Every girl and woman has experience body shaming before. For me, it was about my boobs. I am a big girl and I would try to hid them because I thought I was either fat or I would attract the wrong guys. I got over it but it took a while.
Body shaming has been the biggest problem. But it is important to accept the way we are.
That’s true, everyone is beautiful within their own skin, the ugliness starts when get under someone else’s skin and start shaming them for their body type.
Thank you fo sharing your story. I completely agree, body positivity is a necessity.
This is very well thought out. I like your writing style. I learnt something new today.
This post is so relatable. I think every girl or woman at some point experiences this, and I look forward to a day where it no longer exists. ❤ Thank you for sharing your story!
I really felt this whole post. I’ve always been a bigger girl. It’s just my body structure. Even when I was dancing and skateboarding and surfing constantly, I was still a bigger girl than everyone in my dance classes. I’ve got wide shoulders, wide hips, and a big chest… it is what it is. But I was made fun of a lot because of it. Add in snotty comments from my mom about my arms being too big or my thighs to big and it made for a pretty miserable adolescent experience. I didn’t start to feel comfortable and confident in my own body until I was almost 30 years old. Those childhood comments stuck with me and effected me that long. I’m a huge supporter of body positivity now because of it though. It’s so important to let people know that they can love their body even if there are things they want to work on or change
Wow…thank you so much for sharing, girl. It really takes a toll on our mental health doesn’t it? I’m glad you feel more confident now! And together we’re going to carry that positivity into future generations 🙂
What a great journey. I’am bullied for body shamming and it sucks! I believe that beauty is always on inside no matter what 🙂
It is, Amays 🙂 We’re multidimensional people and there’s a LOT more to us than the body. Ofcourse body needs to be respected and loved for what it is, just as much. 🙂
Wow well-written article, thank you for sharing with us.
I was bodyshamed for being curvy. I had (still have) the insecurity about my complexion. I am successful but being an Indian I see people judging me with their eyes. You got out of it but I couldn’t.
I’m sorry you feel that way Monidipa. I conduct an inner child healing workshop specifically for such things, you’re welcome to join. I sincerely believe it makes a difference and you may overcome this now. 🙂
Great post! I also would add that even as an adult, positive body image is important. As we get older, negative body feels happen – so it is even more important to embrace your image throughout your life.
Thanks for sharing your story! body shaming is indeed something that we should address so that we can build confidence in ourselves
Indeed 🙂
It’s amazing what people do to each other. I can’t imagine what you went through, but you seem to have the right approach to things. I remember myself growing up during high school being body shamed, and it wasn’t until my 10 year high school reunion where I finally was able to forgive and forget. Thanks for the great post.
It can have an impact on the way we carry ourselves and look at ourselves for YEARS! Thanks for sharing your story too, and for your kind words. 🙂
Got shooked on this article, nice one and thanks for sharing here 🙂
What an inspiring story. However, I do want to say as an educator, I am absolutely against bullying and I’m sorry there wasn’t an educator at your school to stop those nasty girls!!
I don’t think kids even realize that it’s bullying! For me, as a kid, I just accepted it because the other people were pretty confident about their opinion…
Isn’t it funny… those girls spoke words that lasted so many years in your mind. This for me this is a story about the importance of our words as much as about your dealing with them.
As much harm as was done by critics, can be done to the positive by kindness.
Your articles inspire me.
“Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.” – Confucius
It is heartwarming to see a person embracing their true beauty. It is truly the eyes of the beholder wherein beauty lies. 🙂