“Pleasure. It feels kind of selfish, right?”, she asked me.
Yes, it does! To the point that it can make most of us blush or look disappointed at the person talking about it.
Lisa Welsh is a self-love expert and she makes some powerful, bold and revolutionary revelations around sexuality through her work.
Very recently, I had spoken about pleasure as a key component of healing your Sacral Chakra energy. So, it’s perfect that she could go into the chemistry and psyche of pleasure through this amazing post. Here’s what she has to say.
Can Pleasure FUEL Your Life?
We don’t make time for pleasure.
Of course, there’s always something more important that you need to do. Like grocery shopping. Or the dishes. Or making sure that little Meg has her dancing shoes packed for tonight.
So, you hear yourself urging your loved ones to go and have fun, while you catch up with the bills, the cleaning, and the organising.
But what if I could tell you that pleasure is actually a powerful fuel for life, without which you are missing out on something vital. I’m talking about a tiny molecule created by your body, called nitric oxide.
Is there a scientific backing for pleasure?
This powerful little neurotransmitter, nitric oxide works in many wonderful ways to help you feel good.
- Stimulates the release of endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin (feel-good hormones)
- Relaxes your blood vessel walls
- Increases the flow of oxygen to your heart, brain, and other organs
- Reduces cell inflammation
In simple terms, nitric oxide energises your cells – making them happy, healthy, and vital!
Really, how pleasing is the pleasure chemical, nitric oxide?
It’s such an impressive molecule that it has even been harnessed by the medical world:
- To help to strengthen premature babies’ lungs
- In Viagra to help boost erections
- In heart attack medications to open blood vessels
Pleasure Versus The Madonna-Whore Dichotomy
Let’s take a minute (or two) to talk about the shame or shyness behind pleasure within the female community.
It’s mostly unconscious, but if you’re like most women, you feel more comfortable with self-sacrifice. You don’t give yourself permission to dive headfirst into pleasure because it feels indulgent, a waste of precious time, and far from essential.
The truth is, you’re not to blame. After all, you’ve been taught that women are either:
GOOD
- Chaste
- Pure
- Sweet
- Excellent mother and wife material
- Attractive (but not sexy)
- A wholesome girl next door
or BAD
- Sexy
- Seductive
- Promiscuous
- Exciting
- Desirable (but not marriage material)
- A dangerous femme fatale
This Madonna-Whore dichotomy is not only false, it’s also incredibly harmful. And it has existed for years and works beautifully to keep us small, keep us slut-shaming our sisters and to keep us from stepping into our full power as women.
The Good Girl/Bad Girl mentality is a programme working silently in the background of our minds, insidiously controlling our thoughts, emotions and behaviour. It reinforces gender inequality, objectifies women, and restricts our sexuality.
In action it sounds like this…
- A sexy woman is not a good mother
- I should hide my true desires, so my husband doesn’t think I’m dirty
- She’s a whore if she sleeps with him on the first night, or before getting married
- “One good girl is worth a thousand bitches.” (Thanks for that one Kanye.)
I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to choose one or the other.
- You are not one dimensional.
- You can not be limited to just a good girl or a bad girl.
- Your worth is not defined by what you choose to do or not do with your body.
- And neither is your ability as a mother.
The world desperately needs to see you stand up and own your true, full expression.
Which is why, today, I want you to understand why you need pleasure, and why your body needs nitric oxide.
How is nitric oxide linked to everyday life?
Whether you are a woman or man, it is hopefully beginning to make sense to you, why pleasure isn’t a sin. But all this while, you’ve been depriving yourself of this life-fueling feeling, through unconscious actions.
Would you like to know how to get your hands on this magical molecule?
Well, nitric oxide production is produced by your body as a reaction to PLEASURE! And unsurprisingly, nitric oxide levels are depleted by shame, stress, anger, fear, and grief.
So, let’s paint a picture of you, going about your normal life, rushing, overwhelmed, perhaps a little anxious. Would you dream of taking a step away from your busy-work to inject some pleasure into your day?
Not usually. But, maybe now you know the power of nitric oxide to boost your creativity, health, happiness, and mood, which, in turn, allows you to show up in the world, your family and relationships as a more radiant, energetic version of you…that won’t sound so far-fetched.
How can you boost nitric oxide production?
To begin with, releasing the energetic trauma from your body, through the Sacral Chakra region is important to fuel the pleasure zone. This can be done in two ways.
Breathing & shaking.
First, watch this quick and incredible video clip of deep breathing in live-action, below.
The entire abdominal & pelvic cavity is moving with each inhale & exhale. The diaphragm is massaging the internal organs & can improve those things we have been chatting about; uterine, ovarian, pelvic floor, bowel & bladder function.
Impressive, huh?
Now let’s get on to the shaking, but don’t take my word for it.
Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky’s book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers and Trauma Therapist Peter Levine’s book, Waking the Tiger share a key theme. Let me break it down.
Animals, such as zebras, live in fear of death…all day long. Popping to the water hole, munching some grass & just hanging out with the other zebras is incredibly risky.
It’s likely that they’ll be chased by a hungry lion at any moment.
So, why are zebras not walking around with PTSD despite all of these brushes with danger? Because they know how to dissipate stress!
How? As soon as they are safe, they discharge the energy by shivering, shaking, twitching & leaping. And then, they carry on being a zebra.
Your nervous system works the same way, except you have a big clever brain that gets in the way.
So, just take some deep breaths & shake it off. Do it every day for a few minutes.
There are no rules. You can shake out your hands, arms, butt, and whole body. You can even get on your hands and knees & wiggle around. Just go with it!
No judgement about what you look like & no need to understand what you’re releasing.
Related Read: 7 Strange Ways Your Body Releases Energy To Heal Itself
Note that this practice is not designed to replace therapy or pain relief. Sometimes deep breathing can trigger a traumatic response, so go slowly.
You can also boost nitric oxide production and enjoy all of its delicious side effects in other simple ways.
- Laughter (especially belly laughs)
- Orgasm
- Meditation
- Enjoyable exercise
- Big hugs
- Warm baths
- Ocean swims
- Playing with your dog
- Things that light YOU up!
You already know how great it feels to spend time in nature, with the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. And you’re familiar with the tingly vitality that follows enjoyable experiences. But you didn’t know the chemistry that was making it happen.
Of course, it sounds so simple that you might be tempted to overlook the power of using pleasure as a fuel for life. But I urge you to actively seek ways to bring 1% more pleasure to your day today, and again tomorrow.
Concluding Thoughts on Pleasure
Try to be mindful of all of the times that you refuse to please yourself. It probably happens more often than you think. Be aware of any subconscious internal limit to pleasure. Decide that you have permission to fully enjoy self-pleasure when it comes along and notice how you feel.
Please don’t take my word for it! Would you commit to bringing more pleasure into your life for 30 days? Journal the experience so you can see how it works for you.
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