Why Do I Keep Repeating This Life Lesson?

Recently, an interesting conversation with Yannick, a kindred spirit and reader, inspired me to immediately start drafting this article. Because boy! Have I felt this so many times. Why this situation again? Haven’t I healed from this already? Why does life keep repeating this lesson? Am I doomed with this forever?! And such.

Here’s my two cents.

1. The lesson is layered, nuanced and requires a different version of you to understand it.

There’s a childhood memory where I felt unseen and somewhat neglected by my mom. On and off, I kept working on this memory for over a decade, each time feeling something shift—yet I kept returning to it with the same “charge” activating in my body, and mind flooding with a downward spiral of negative thoughts. I had given up hope that it would ever stop feeling like such a big deal to me until I became a mom.

Something shifted. I could finally see it from not just my perspective, or hers, but from lived experience. I literally needed to unlock a different, deeper version of myself to understand and digest this memory fully. Now that memory feels so neutral and fuzzy, I chuckle at how intense it once was.

Sometimes, we feel stuck because we expect one big breakthrough—as if healing is about eating the whole cake in one bite.

But what if we reframed “the same thing again” as “something new I can see this time”?

Then, let’s take a moment to acknowledge how far we’ve come in our outlook. Give ourselves a pat on the back.

This becomes a great way to solidify (with evidence) that we’re not really stuck or doomed with this lesson; we are actually, actively working our way through it, one bite of awareness at a time.

2. The situation is repeating, so you can pull more from your soul’s essence.

When we keep unwantingly getting sucked into the same situation over and over again, it can also be life’s way to nudge us towards actualizing our soul’s potential.

It’s like a second chance (or third, or dozenth) to do this over and to do it right. To do this right, by YOU. To do this right by your soul.

Here’s what I mean. Maybe you once tolerated someone’s toxic behaviour because you believed you had no power or that you deserved it. Some people may keep tolerating that misbehaviour throughout their lifetime, but something within you wants more for you. And so, the second and third time, you continued engaging, even though you believed you didn’t deserve this but didn’t know how to stand in your power.

Now? You walk away, set a boundary, or call it out—because you’ve reclaimed your self-worth. You’re no longer “buying zucchini when you need carrots” (my favourite analogy to navigate toxic relationships).

A different example: maybe you keep getting fired because life is nudging you to stop playing so small, sitting behind that desk job and work towards the career shift you have secretly longed for.

The “same” problem isn’t the same at all if you start seeing yourself as more capable, more powerful, more worthy, more soulful than you have so far.

3. Your nervous system isn’t finished resolving it.

I once heard a story about a little girl who kept wrapping a scarf around her doll’s neck and “strangling” her. Her mom was alarmed, but through art therapy, her therapist helped solve the mystery – she had been born with an umbilical cord around her neck, and was trying to “work this out” through her doll.

She kept redoing this to the doll because her nervous system needed to find resolution. Which her therapist finally helped her move through by showing her how to “untangle” the scarf.

I share this example as a parallel.

In our own lives, we might have worked on a pattern in a myriad of ways—coaching, strategy, mindset shifts—but if our nervous system is still stuck, it may perpetuate problems by strangling us with them over and over again, until it learns how to release itself.

Like trying to “pick up fights” for no reason to recreate chaos in an otherwise healthy relationship, or spending all the money you make as soon as it comes because the nervous system finds safety in “lack”.

Said another way, sometimes, we need to work at deeper levels to meet and heal the unconscious mind.

This deeper work is what I love doing with my clients! And if you’ve tried everything you could think of but still feel stuck, let’s explore something new together. I’d love to support you. You can get in touch here and see if working together is right for your journey.

4. It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you.

I often find that once our nervous system is challenged beyond manageable amounts, we begin to spiral into the “victim mindset”, where we wallow and pity ourselves. Yes, of course, the frustration is real, and it isn’t enjoyable to not feel like you’re getting anywhere with this. Yet, we owe it to ourselves to also marinate in some spiritual reminders so that we don’t stay stuck at the bottom of the well.

1. Every person we meet is a soul contract—here to help us learn. Even if we clash in human life, we’re all striving toward the same spiritual goal. What shifts when we stop resisting and instead see the person or situation as an invitation to heal something our soul has carried for lifetimes?
   
2. The Universe is always conspiring for your highest good, constantly course-correcting. Just because you can’t see karma in action doesn’t mean it’s not at work. My past life regression stories might offer hope that karma is both real and unfolding.
   
3. And sometimes, the heaviness you carry isn’t even yours—it’s ancestral, cultural, or professional conditioning. How do we decondition so we can move freely, beyond what we were told we “should” do? This article discusses the soul’s journey through painful contracts and sheds light on how to return to our true spiritual essence.

I’ve shared some other, related spiritual ideas at the end of this blog piece to keep expanding on this fourth reflection.

Concluding Thoughts

I see you, lovely soul and dear fellow human being. I hope this article helps you see that our life may feel like it’s going in circles, and you can’t seem to stop the lesson from repeating. But, it isn’t a sign you’ve failed or gone backward. It might mean life is inviting you to see it as a multitude of lessons, let go of the smallness and respond from your soul, or bring deeper safety to your nervous system.

How did this post add to your perspective? I’d love to know in the comments below.

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