Why are some people impossible to tolerate? Looking into the role of an annoying relationship in our life, both spiritually and psychologically.
Side Note : I have been meaning to write this one, since about two years, now. Time I finally got to it.
If it’s someone at work, sure you can always deal with their less-than-healthy behaviour and manage this situation to an extent, as I’ve talked about in the recent post, How to Deal with Toxic People.
But sometimes those people can be our partner, or our parents. Then what do you do? And you can’t just go around avoiding everyone, you would have nobody left.
It’s easy to become defensive and say “I don’t need anybody”, but that’s just ego talk. So, to bring true inner change, here are a couple of perspectives I want to share.
#1 – The more someone pushes your buttons, the more tightly-knit your spiritual bond is.
Every single person in your life is there for a very specific reason, and even the irritating ones are NOT by chance.
The people you resist the most can also teach you the most about your own shortcomings. They bring many deeply-effecting lessons.
They have soul contracts to treat you in a certain way (because they are the best candidate to stir you in this said way, based on their own spiritual evolution) to help you heal parts of you that are getting triggered right now when they so-called ‘push your buttons’.
#2 – You can escape the relation, not the lesson.
You can abruptly end one relationship, but if you don’t deal with the lessons it brought, that behaviour will keep resurfacing for you.
There’s a reason why people now have even 2 or 3 divorces, as a bad example. There’s something within their story that they are unwilling to heal,because of which it keeps coming back with a new face.
#3 – Many times, relations of different types will form similar patterns.
That means, you will have the same issues over and over again – the reason may be different on the surface but the core lesson will be the same.
Some patterns may include the side effects of being a people-pleaser, or not being able to accept people without judging them. Or learning how to not give unsolicited advice.
#4 – In the annoying relationship, YOU may have a karmic debt to this person.
Though I don’t like to classify souls as old or new, it can be seen that some souls have a tougher time living the human experience than others. They may be physically unwell all the time, or have a lot of emotional and mental disturbance. And so, they need help to get by.
Sometimes, we sign up for caretaker roles in others lives.
Our contribution is larger than what we are getting in return, it seems. But what does this teach us? It helps us understand the importance of giving back, without always being able to receive anything in return. This is a great and tough way to experience the law of Divine Compensation.
#5 – At a soul-level, nobody is really a bad person.
As difficult as that is to believe when a relationship is so annoying, it gets on your nerves. But, just think of it. We are the sum of everything that has ever happened to us. Nobody is the way they are without a reason.
We learn from our parents, society, personal traumas etc. When hitting your head against the wall about why someone treated you in a certain way, think from THEIR perspective. If we can stop taking things personally, we will be able to react a lot less.
We have to stop feeling threatened and cultivate the space that lets us treat others with compassion even in ugly situations. Which brings me to my next point.
#6 – Someone’s behaviour isn’t about you, it’s about them.
What you are feeling as a consequence of their behaviour, is about you. This is the mirror exercise. I learned this when I was working on my Twin Flame Healing, but it applies to life in general.
So start using the emotions that arise in you to heal your deeper-rooted wounds. Instead of focusing on the question why are they doing this to you, determine why its effecting you.
#7 – People’s inability to love you back doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
It doesn’t mean you deserve this perpetually.
It also doesn’t mean you love ‘too much’.
All this being said, the conclusion is quite evident. An annoying relationship can have a huge karmic role to play in our life.
Everything happens for you to evolve. You can either be fussy and bitter about it, or you can become accountable and rapidly change everything for the better.
Once a month, I send a Self-Love and Spiritual newsletter. Sign up to get highlights and exclusive content such as e-books, guided meditations and numerous other resources!