My friend and I were invested in one of our infamous ‘late-night’ speculations of relationships, when she asked a very innocent and valid question about resentment.
Just like the time before when we talked about detachment, that’s how this post came to birth. It is largely channelled, also something I talked more about in the former post of this type.
“Forgive, but don’t forget” is the advice I had given her, when she confessed she still holds a lot of resentment towards her partner.
The Dialogue on Resentment
What does not forgetting give me? Isn’t that resentment in itself?
It helps you set boundaries;
the things you are willing to accept or not.
But how do we forgive, if we are still remembering (not forgetting) it?
You hold resentment because you feel bad it happened to you.
How dare HE/SHE do that to you.
But you can let it go, by realising that it was YOU that allowed it to happen to you.
You don’t just forgive the other person, you also forgive yourself, for allowing something to have happened to you – to have been so deeply painful and for not knowing better sooner,
And you forgiving him does not mean he can do it again.
It means you forgive it happened before, but you make it clear that it can not happen again.
This is the basis of a HEALTHY BOUNDARY.
When you have a solid boundary, when you stand up for yourself, or make it clear that you’re not comfortable with whatever is going on, you are able to prevent mistreatment to a large extent.
And even if the behaviour persists, because you have become more conscious and intolerant for it, there are repercussions for the misdo-er, so you waste less time giving second/third/infinity chances and being heartbroken.
The repercussions could be as simple as not-talking for a certain duration, or stronger steps such as breaking off the relationship.
That makes sense. But the thing is, if there are repercussions, it effects both of us. If there’s a fight or breakup, I suffer too. So basically both suffer, for the misbehaviour of one.
It gets better with time for a simple reason.
He cannot do to you, what will no longer effect you.
That is how the Universe works, that’s why we are given Spiritual Contracts in our relationships, and that’s how they improve.
We learn from our partner, and we bring a SHIFT in our dynamic once the lesson has been learned.
A simple self-reflection on boundaries is a clear win out of resentment, and into healthier relationships.
I also want to address more about Healthy Boundaries through this video.
Also, to approach this in a more spiritual way, head over to my next post, 7 Lessons You Can Learn From People That Annoy You.
Happy evolving! 🙂
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Sanjota Purohit says
I have a very close experience with forgiveness. It made me feel much better.
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Mila R says
Well, these are probably the most important things we have to realize. I think that’s one of the reasons why we are here tho.
Shoppers Gossip says
Yes, forgiving is a very difficult thing to do, it is easy to say but difficult when it comes to reality.
Such a great quote “Forgive but don’t forget” I have read today! Forgive someone is not easy but once you start doing it, you will leave yourself with relief and not forgetting it gives you a learning experience.
Brilliantly summarized Amelia, I’m so happy this post an impression on you and made you look at resentment a little differently 💕
Luna S says
This was a wonderful read and it is quite helpful.
Glad you enjoyed it, Luna!
I think that your advice to forgive but not forget is very valid. How else would we learn from our mistakes if we forgot?
Forgiveness can be really hard but we can take it slow, one day at a time, so as not to be resentful. Resent is a very low vibe and I don’t want it.
Exactly! Learning to pick higher frequencies of being, one day at a time 💕
I really connected to this post. This is something to think about when it comes to resentment!
Aw, I’m honored! It was such a pristine moment to be tapped into the Universe’s flow of thought, and to be able to address this issue for a friend. And now to be able to share it with others and hopefully inspire them to reflect. Such a privilege 🙏
Sarah M says
Some spiritual contracts give us huge lessons but they are actually making us stronger and wiser. Thanks for a beautiful post on resentment.
Marjie MarE says
Once you forgive, you are freer to live a healthier life. Not forgetting is like learning from your mistakes and grow which means you will never make the same mistake again.
Bang on! That’s the crux of this post! 🙂
So true. its important to remember that basically both suffer, for the misbehaviour of one.
Yes, we are all connected 🙂
forgiving someone wont always relieve the resentment but its a start.
Yes, and therefore using that pain to understand what the root cause is, is key. Hope you enjoy reading this post.
One and half backpacks says
Thank you for sharing, very good post
Sometimes it is easier said than done. Very nice article and good perception of difficult situations.
Oscar Gonzalez says
I try to forgive and forget. If I don’t forget, then it’s easy to revisit the issue and sometimes the negative feelings come back. But still, I appreciate the rest of the post and ideas.
Not forget in the sense of the lesson it brings to us, sorry if that wasn’t clear right away. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your perspective, I agree, revisiting the negativity residual is often the case because healing and forgiveness can happen in several layers 💛
Thank you for this great post! It’s really good to remember, but not carry the past with us the whole time.
My pleasure! 💛
My Vegetarian Roots says
great post! learning from the past but not to hold on it to hard! thank you for sharing!
A balance we all need to strive to maintain. Glad you liked the post 😊
Forgiving but not forgetting is so important. It’s good to move on but remember the past and what happened. Great post.
Absolutely, my friend! Thanks for your feedback 😊
This is very thought-provoking! Thanks for sharing
My pleasure Renee 💕