Changing My Mind About God — And Why It’s Okay

I was in second grade when the girl next to me at lunch asked, “Are you Christian?”

The only God I knew then was Krishna. Ironically, Krishna and Christian sounded similar, so I said, “Yes! I love Krishna.” She had a better grasp of religions than I did, and in her innocent way, she opened my mind to the idea that there’s more than one God out there. Years later, that memory made my stomach sink with guilt. By my teens, I was changing my mind and beginning to feel drawn to another God—Shiva.

This article is for my younger self and for anyone who’s ever wrestled with letting go of an old faith, belief system, or deity and embracing a new one.

Is it okay to believe in a different God now?

A friend asked me this during a late-night sleepover. Her question carried both fear and shame, and I understood it well.

Our spiritual journey is sacred, and there’s a certain romance in staying loyal to one God. So changing “the end goal” of our soul’s devotion can stir up all kinds of conflict.

I told her my story.

From Krishna to Shiva

So when I was a kid, I loved going to the ISKON temple in Boise, Idaho, with my parents.

Sundays were filled with Hare Krishna music in the car, and when we’d arrive at the temple, my parents would often help prepare for the weekly feast. I would sit in Sunday School, rehearsing for simple skits about Krishna’s stories with the rest of the kids there. It was the only experience of God I knew—and it was beautiful.

When we moved back to India, Shiva entered my life in an unusual way: nightmares of a bull chasing me.

My mother suggested I pray to Shiva, whose vehicle is a bull, and slowly the dreams faded.

Meanwhile, school life soured my connection with Krishna. In tenth grade, despite working hard, a bad mark in French tanked my results. I felt betrayed by God—by Krishna specifically—and pushed Him away. I felt betrayed that, despite giving my best and being such a devout devotee of God, God had overlooked me.

It took a while to re-enter the spiritual journey. But as I did, in Shiva, I found comfort. I read his stories, meditated on him, and sought his guidance wholeheartedly.

Losing interest in my religious rituals

So when my spiritual awakening happened in 2017, spiritual books became my respite.

First, they were the antidote to enormous suffering and inner chaos. Then they began quenching my growing thirst for spiritual development. What type of books was I inclined towards?

Practical ones. From doctors and from the intellectuals who were otherwise atheist or not spiritually inclined. These books made sense to my logical brain, which was still too new to the world of metaphysics.

Side note: Here’s the list of 60+ books I binged on during that phase.

But why was it that, coming from such a rich culture of Hinduism, I wasn’t able to appreciate ancient scriptures? Why was I more inclined to learn from a scientific lens?

I carried guilt around this question for a while, judging myself for not being more ritualistic, for not being more austere in my attempts to reconnect with God. However, I continued to follow my heart’s desire to learn more about spirituality from this metaphysical perspective.

At some point, it became clear – it’s not about who you follow, it’s about how their wisdom shapes your journey.

My spiritual journey has been about simplifying the path to God. Today, just closing my eyes and “talking” to my Creator is all the connection and depth I need to go back into the world and thrive, knowing the Universe has my back.

If rituals work for you, more power to you. But if they don’t, give yourself permission to find a different way to meet your Creator.

Is it okay to believe in many Gods/Faiths at once?

When I was pregnant, the Universe conspired to reconnect me with Krishna.

A series of events transpired to “reunite” me with my former God.

First, COVID (yes, while pregnant!). Sitting in isolation, I was searching for peaceful music to stay connected to my baby, and as fate would have it, I heard this beautiful prayer after nearly 2 decades. It took me back to my days as a little girl, singing and dancing at the Hare Krishna temple. Hot tears trickled down my cheeks, and I experienced an ecstatic kind of love again. But after that weekend, my years of hidden anger resurfaced.

A part of me knew I was being silly to remain upset over something that didn’t really matter today, but this was about a deeper wound. Feeling abandoned by God.

So then, the next series of events followed. With the help of a mentor, I softened towards Krishna again. Lots of soul guide work allowed me to release my misunderstandings and reconnect with stronger roots.

By the time my daughter was born, I found myself chanting Krishna prayers in her ears in the delivery room.

Now, my relationship with these deities feels different: Shiva is my eternal master, and I rest my head in his lap whenever I feel tired or alone in this world; Krishna is like a playful friend I walk beside, and who teases me like a brother that knows this journey isn’t meant to be taken so seriously.

So now, my daily practice is to meditate with Shiva for my own guidance, and sing a Krishna song or read her a baby Krishna story with my daughter for hers.

What if we’ve been misunderstanding God all along?

Through years of up and down with my faith, with different Gods, here’s what I’ve learned—there are many guides in the spiritual realm. We’re drawn to the ones we need most at a particular time, and they’re drawn to us too.

From a religious lens, sure, one can argue that my God is better than yours.

But from a purely spiritual context, all Gods are actually soul guides, with their unique gifts and strengths to lean on. And in the truest sense, there really is only one “God”, which is within each and every one of us (consciousness itself).

Concluding Thoughts

I think it’s incredible that we have such a big support system from the spiritual realm. There really is no need to pick just one, or feel like we’re being unfaithful if we shift our attention to other guides. These concepts of lack, jealousy and such are human and hold no essence in the spiritual realm.

So, I hope that reading all of this helps you see that no spiritual guide will take it personally if we shift focus away from them. They are all looking out for us, and it is no coincidence that we call on the ones that we need the most.

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