Bite-size (#3) : Will things go wrong if I’m too happy?

I’m around 11 years old when a girl in my bus looks at me as I’m laughing and warns me – don’t be too happy, or things will go wrong and you’ll have to cry just as much. I believe that this event dented my relationship with happiness for the longest time. Even today, remembering her words makes me cringe.

As children, we are so susceptible to believing things that are said and done to us. And there’s no knowing what the impact of what we hear or experience will be on us. Sometimes, these things stick with us for decades, until we work with some kind of therapist or coach to come to a resolution.

And it’s not just me, but I realize how common and widespread this way of thinking is.

It’s what the author, Glennon Doyle calls as the “Ache” in her book Untamed. She accurately describes it as a feeling that something will go wrong the moment something is going right.

Have you found yourself thinking this way too?

If yes, do you remember when this way of thinking first began for you?

Maybe it was a family member who was always worried you’d jinx happiness. Or maybe it was an idea that you subconsciously picked up from a movie. Whatever be the origin of this idea, if it’s been implanted in your mind, the conditioning may still be playing a role in your life today.

As the idea deepens, it changes us. It creates an “upper limit”, an internal barrier on how much good we can receive, before we question it.

For instance, we might allow ourselves a few hours of rest from a bad cold. But if that turns into a few days, our inner critic wakes up and forces us to be productive again.

Another example is that we might question someone’s motive if they’re “too nice” to us.

It can also impact how much money we allow ourselves to make, or how long we stay happy with a partner before we start picking a fight.

Can you relate to this?

Healing our upper limits with happiness

You might wander, why are we even listening to this narrative when it clearly holds us back and hurts us?

One reason is: that’s how the nervous system protects us. So if there’s been an event in the past where a certain level of happiness, rest or receiving wasn’t “safe”, the nervous system will contract and register that as the limit before we get hurt again.

The beautiful thing is: when we’re in serious danger, our nervous system automatically fights, flees or freezes in response. We don’t consciously have to make that decision. For instance, if I were about to hit another car while driving, my reflex will kick in and I will automatically swerve before my conscious mind has a chance to think about this.

What that means is, we get to question what our true upper limit on happiness is. We get to question whether happiness can actually be jinxed, or we’re using this belief to prevent disappointment, heartbreak, etc. And to see if we’re willing to allow just 5% more happiness to be here, for us.

In my recent 45-minute training on Upper Limits, we explore the deeper neuroscience of upper limits, and a guided, somatic exercise to successfully break free from these limitations. This resource can become a game-changer for your healing journey.

Upper Limits

Concluding Thoughts

In an ideal world, we would have a seamless flow between masculine and feminine energy, between giving and receiving. Between joy and sadness, and all the emotions in between.

But what actually happens is when we need to cross the bridge to either let go of control or to take action again, we reach an upper limit. It’s a protective part that’s standing in the middle of the bridge saying STOP! DANGER! It’s not safe to give or receive so much. We get to consciously meet this protective part and re-evaluate the upper limits it creates on our life experiences.

Are you ready to give yourself permission to be truly happy without worrying that something will go wrong? To break free from the cap that’s been placed on living a really good life? 😉

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