I’ve visited a variety of spiritual mentors, healers and life coaches over the course of my journey and made some observations. This year, as I too step into the role of a spiritual coach, I’ve been reflecting on the kind of experience I want to create for people that reach out to me.
This is the foundation I want to set, as a bare minimum. And what you should expect, whether you work with me, or anyone else.
And if you’re a lightworker stepping up in the spiritual community as a healer or coach yourself, this also acts as a checklist of what people will look up to you for.
Note: This post isn’t about medical professions like therapists and counselors that follow different formal guidelines and an ethical code of conduct. A relationship with a healer or spiritual coach will be much more personal.
#1 – The right spiritual coach will push your buttons.
Every time I talk to my healer, I have to push down my ego, because boy, it feels attacked! When inner work and healing is initially triggered through another person, it can feel like being shown the mirror, in a deep and moving way. The ego doesn’t like it, but it’s essential for your soul.
I learned about the depth of this while reading Paramhans Yogananda‘s experiences with his own teacher, and how hard it was for him to navigate the journey.
Good spiritual mentors can intuitively see our gaps in a way we cannot, because they’ve done their own intensive healing. They can see straight through the ego-mind and all its gimmicks.
If they’ve been doing their inner work long enough, they won’t be afraid to bring out these shadow aspects to you.
#2 – When they push your buttons, you’ll be inspired to take action.
I know every healer or coach has their own approach, but compassion plays a big part in the way any truth is delivered to us. It’s one thing to reveal someone’s shadow side to them, but it’s even more imperative to help them see it with kindness and persistence.
I don’t resonate with coaches that demean the person, yell at them or threaten them as a ‘tactic’ to make them overcome shortcomings.
A good spiritual mentor must be heart-centered.
One who not only directs you towards what’s better for you but makes sure you get there NOW! (Or yesterday, if they had it their way)
#3 – They’ll be generous in helping you heal.
I am all for earning as a spiritual practitioner, but there’s also a fine line between earning versus becoming greedy. Some people have turned a sacred profession into a business, and if that’s the vibe you get from the person you visit, they don’t qualify to serve you.
An authentic spiritual mentor understands that they are an infinite and abundant being of wisdom, and you can never draw enough from their sacred well. They will thus, NOT scramble to share their wisdom, but offer it generously.
I’ve spent hours outside my sessions with my healer, and she never hesitates to impart the best of what she can at any given moment.
Caveat: That’s her level of generosity, but it may not be another’s. Nevertheless, you should feel satiated, not unheard in every interaction.
#4 – They won’t keep upselling services to make you stay longer. They will empower you to serve yourself (and others).
If you feel like you’re always investing a lot of money, and always hearing about how you’ll heal once you do their next workshop, trust me – they’re not worth your while.
You won’t need to spend endless money into your healing, to no avail. A few modalities into the work, you’ll begin experiencing greater self-awareness and feel more confident to work independently on yourself.
Also, if a healer guarantees a quick-fix to your problem, that THEY can heal you, there’s something fundamentally missing.
We can only give you tools, but you’re the one trying them. And YOU will be the one that heals yourself.
#5 – Your spiritual coach will be from your soul family.
You may have never met them before, but once you do, they’ll fit right into your life. You will be able to open up about things that you couldn’t have with anyone else, even if you’re just slowly beginning to trust this person.
Think of it like this, that even though there are countless spiritual teachers in the world, not everyone can resonate with just one teacher. Every teacher, based on the extent of his or her own inner work, will be able to serve a group of people.
That group may or may not be yours. But you have your own group, and you’ll know when you find it.
After I met my healer, I knew an important soul contract had come into fruition. Conversations happen at a different depth and dimension.
#6 – They will LISTEN more than they speak.
Everyone that goes to a spiritual coach first goes to be heard, then to be healed. No exceptions.
Sure, a mentor is knowledgeable, but there’s an important lesson every genuine teacher knows. And it’s the art of listening.
You cannot teach unless you know where to begin. Your coach should be asking you lots of questions, getting to know parts of you that you may have not reflected on yourself before, and have a consistent curiosity to learn more about you so that they can help you better.
Most importantly, they will not be quick to push solutions on you and treat you like a ‘classic case’.
Side Note to Healers: Don’t make coaching revolve around your experiences. It’s nice to share a lot of personal stories, but the ultimate goal isn’t to make it about ourselves, it’s to make it about the person we’re helping. So be mindful of what you share and make sure it only benefits the person in their life.
#7 – A good spiritual mentor will practice what they preach.
It’s easy to talk, but true healing and inner work is a process. An unhealed healer does more harm than good simply because they’re going to project their opinion on you, and talk to you from a place that’s still hurting.
Some examples are:
- If a person talks about compassion but on the contrary is getting a Spiritual high from insulting you (because that’s their style), you better get yourself out of that space. There’s nothing sacred about it.
- If somebody keeps making disappointing faces when you tell your story, in a way that’s making you cover-up your truth and grow protective, they’re NOT your healer.
- If a person brags or boasts about their own healing capacities (all talk, no display), or if you sense the fluff, they are NOT the right healer for you.
When you connect with somebody that is non-judgemental, compassionate and humble, it’s safe to say that you’ve found your person.
#8 – A genuine spiritual coach will also have their own mentor.
Our learning NEVER stops, because we are constantly evolving. Enlightenment isn’t a destination, it’s actually the beginning of a journey of authenticity, accountability, and awareness.
So no matter how good you get in any profession, having a mentor is key to your growth. Then, one good way to gauge whether someone is worth investing your time and money in, is by understanding how invested they are in their own development.
Even if your coach doesn’t have a personal coach, they will at least be eager and open to learning new things. And what’s the best way you can tell that? They will bring more to the table, every.single.time! It shouldn’t feel like they’re repeating the same two lines like a broken record.
#9 – A good mentor will not feel threatened by you.
It’s natural to feel apprehensive and want to ask deep, challenging questions.
I’m not suggesting you be rude, but you can take your time to trust this person. If a healer or spiritual coach gets easily provoked or acts from a place of self-defense when you raise questions, they aren’t ready to help you. It’s evidence that they are not in their power.
At other times, a person just doesn’t click, even if they’re really good and may have been recommended by someone you trust.
But a genuine healer is powerful, grounded and confident enough to know that you may or may not resonate with each other. Which means you’re always welcome to move-on. If you’re getting a desperate, needy or clingy vibe from them, you’ll know they’re not the one.
#10 – They will NOT act supreme or holier than thou.
Having a Spiritual Ego is counterintuitive. But it does happen to the best of us. Which is why, whether you’re taking spiritual advice, or the one giving it, it can easily begin to sound preachy.
Whoever you seek help from should be grounded, admitting to not always having answers, and accepting if ever they were wrong. Is being wrong a big deal? No. But accepting it can be.
The same goes for wisdom. A healer might listen to you and not know how to help you right away. However, through openness and determination, they may be able to guide you through tools that start bringing results.
Having spent a lot of money on my healing, I can tell you this. It can take you a while before you find the right mentor for your journey. Don’t stop searching! And it’s okay to have multiple mentors or to keep evolving and needing someone wiser to coach you.
Very few people are fortunate to have a consistent mentor for years on end, someone that can continue shaking them.
At the end of the day, a healer shows you how powerful you’ve been all along, that you were acting like a victim!
As you experience that power for yourself, they will cheer you on and let you move forward to do your thing. But they will always be remembered as one of the most significant people in your journey back Home.
Should you feel inclined to work with me, and give me an opportunity to be of service to you, you’re welcome to set up a complimentary 20-minute telephonic discussion with me. I hope you find my work in the image and standard that my spiritual coach set for me through her incredible work!
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